weiyoung the great.

2008-06-18T22:17:00.003+08:00

everything just came crushing down on me, just like that! it all happened within a day, definitely something one wouldn't even dare to think of. i've got criticized, sales got "stolen", confirmation delayed, "rejected" by my crush. i mean, what the hell right. i didn't know i'm that fucking down on luck! whatever i do, everything just seems to go the other way & oppose me. and oh, my saving plan failed to work, and i'm again, for no apparent reason ended up "bankrupt" by mid-month. am i the sole factor that causes all the unhappiness within myself, or am i just thinking too much? i think i ought to do some soul searching seriously. something must be really wrong out there.

i thought i'm happy at my present work & jobscope, but time proves it all. i've got sick & tired of all the customer service orientated, sales driven kind of workstyle. i'm not a proactive person, that's something i really have to admit. i do love competition, but i seriously hate putting up fake smile serving customers each day. i'm so tired with myself right now, to the extent i forgot the purpose of my existence on earth. i'm not exactly lost, i'm just away from the track. it's time i pull myself up & focus on what i really want.

i supposed to have loads to pen down, but somehow things couldn't get up to my mind when i blog. i'm lost, and i'm all alone out there. i need help. ):

2008-04-30T00:48:00.001+08:00

it hurts. yes, it does.

somehow to let go looks tougher than it seems to be.

it only takes one phrase to make your world turn gray, "we have to be friends". i'm feeling sad really, not just saddness, but somehow a mixture of jealousy, and a little bit of desperado perhaps. nothing more can be compared to being with the one you loved, together with bits of passion, thoughtfulness, ~~lust~~ & love. it just makes me feel ultra unwanted especially when out alone seeing couples zooming in & out around you, hugging, holding hands or even kissing. it makes the matter worst lah. i've been listening to janice, wei lan's dai gor, the song i never fail to listen to whenever i feel down, for like billonth times already. really, i think i should go get a life.

sigh! to brighten up abit, i think somehow my leave will get approved for the upcoming tioman trip next weekend. *fingers crossed*, gonna get myself really tanned & relaxed. i somehow needed a break, again, 'cause i'm really stressed out with work lately. fast forward abit, about the europe backpacking trip in september, plannings are underway, me & my travelmate intend to visit italy's rome, venetian city, venice & milan, france's paris & the infamous disneyland, switzerland's zurich & geneva, and london. somehow a short 10 days would be sufficient, thou' our leaves haven't got approved yet, but i'm looking forward to it. otherwise, we'll just change it to just a short hong kong cum tokyo shopping trip. hahas.

and oh! i nearly forgot about this. there's this typical male singaporean customer who came in last saturday to book 02 tickets to the US. somehow or rather, another female singapore passenger, came down on monday and complained that they actually wanted a free & easy package that comes together with hotel accommodation, but not solely air tickets. i mean, it's kind of funny lah, as in i have already charge him for the tickets booking & have already given them the tickets, and the main thing is, they didn't even ask about anything on hotels! moreover, i'm at the ticketing department, if he had wanted some free & easy packages with hotels, he would have to proceed to the other department. it's super annoying lah, i mean, he even write in to demand for some "compensation" & official explanation. what's there to explain about in the first place? sometimes customers can be really, unreasonable to a huge extent. don't think just because you paid a merely thousand or two, and you can actually then twist words to your own favor and push all responsibilities away to the others. *pui*, i'm totally disgusted by these two particular customers, or a more suitable term, nasty consumers.

2008-04-27T21:47:00.003+08:00

i hate being lonely.

sigh. i think the feeling of solitudity is swallowing me whole. i haven't been feeling at all well for like, eh, 03 days? well, it must have been the rain & lack of sleeps. my throat is well swollen, having some difficult flus & non-stop coughs. sigh, am feeling so weak and yet no one ever cares. i think one day when i die in my sleep, no one will ever notice until my body starts to rot. it's really affecting me much & seriously, i really really hate getting ignored & being alone. apart from the essential air, water & food human beings need for surviving, i think companionship ought to be listed as one of the must-have as well. seriously!

alright, i have been sleeping thru' all the way since last night, 1145pm, till like today 6pm, thought i did get up in between to get to the toilet & getting water. something is really wrong with me. my head is spinning, legs getting wobbly when i got up & to make the matter worst, all the people i messaged to ask go out with, rejected me! i'm really down on my luck, i mean, work's not getting any smoother, stucked on relationships, and people shooing their asses away from me. it's super what-the-hell alright. i'm fucking pissed.

i think i'm getting more & more paranoid each day i supposed. i'm acting super eccentric, pitching myself away from the crowd, got super agitate from minor stuff. and i don't even know the reasons behind it all. i think i ought to sought some psychiatrist's help. ):

2008-04-22T23:06:00.005+08:00

argh! i have nothing else to say, but just argh & sighing. * shakes my head *

alright, i had a not-so fulfilling kind of weekend, was supposed to go for the mayday concert up in genting, but for some reasons, i didn't get to go for it. what makes the matter worst is that, i can't even go for the one in singapore! of all weekends, our in-house travel fair chose to be on this weekend, so nice that it clashes with the one in singapore. gosh. anyways, i really had an enjoyable mini getaway off singapore though. enjoying the cool breeze up on the mountains, spending the time away with friends & stuff.

sidetrack abit, may is approaching soon, and i'm gonna look forward to school! it's been a long six months, two semesters that is, since i last went back to school. another few more modules to the completion of my diploma. and poof! i'll then bid goodbye to travel line & hello to the media industry! whee.

back to the main topic, i felt slightly emo today. i didn't realise sales was that important to certain people in the office. i mean, what's meant to yours will be yours eventually right? no point snatching it or undertake some treacherous means & ways to sabotage or perhaps, "bully" your fellow colleagues right? it's super saddening lah, i mean, i didn't realise such a thing could actually happened to me. i know i ought to stand firm & remain who i should be. but ultimately, it's the environment which changes me, and NOT i who can change or control the environment. i should have realise it when i decided to leave the comfort zone six months ago, i shouldn't have looked backwards now that i'm in it already. i should be happily doing what i love doing right now, and that i shouldn't have leave it, just like that. otherwise, i wouldn't be like now, working for the sake of working, not motivated at all, doing things i don't really like doing. i really regretted my own actions and seriously. i'm in a loss.

i think lady luck has henceforth not by my side already. judging from the shits i got & failures i made, i really am trying hard to "look open" already. i'm totally cashless when it comes to the end of the month, and i really don't mind skipping a meal or two. i mean, it's another week more to payday, and heck, i can even lose weight by skipping breakfast & lunch. but i really need the hard cash for topping up my ezlink, otherwise i wouldn't be able to proceed for work! i don't have the guts to borrow from anyone further, the fact that i still owe many quite a huge sum which in the end, turn out to be more and even more bad debts. to cut the long story short, i'm really grateful to my friends, who's all along there supporting & helping me whenever i need help. i felt really fortunate & i'm really have no idea why would people bother helping such a loser like me. i wonder, sometimes.

i think feeli's right. you can't relate love & money together. things won't be working out when coming to separate ways. i should have known that earlier on. sometimes, it's really hard to please one party and on the other hand, please another party. even if so, you yourself would be at the losing end. 好人实在难当！really, if $10 means that much to you when compared to a relationship / friendship, it'll NOT gonna work. as in, you used to spend so much on that somebody, and for both of you, but when things went wrong and both of you went separate ways, then that's the difficult part to weigh things out already. it's damn hard to tell who's right and who's wrong then already. such a way like, you willingly spend those monies on that particular person, and you don't really hope to get anything in return for that, even after break-up. but somehow you just can't let it go. it's so much to take & put down. so much so that i'm fucking sick of & tied up with all those burdens & unnecessary troubles.

if i had another chance, i would choose the right way to walk my path carefully. everyone's different, yes, but why is it that i feel so much different to the rest of my fellow peers? life wouldn't be the same if i scored well for o levels, if i put in more effort in studies than in redcross. then, everything will be much different & i'm sure i'll enjoy life more than what i'm going through now. it must be, definitely.

PS: i'm not the very least gay, seriously.

2008-04-15T00:04:00.008+08:00

the last one.

i went back to bendemeer secondary for some alumni gathering or sort last saturday, though i wasn't really keen in going in the first place, i half-heartedly accepted agnes' invitation. somehow things were different and the environment seems strange & unwelcoming to me. it's been a good two and a half years since graduation and still, i'm still not improving and leading the usual mundane & monotonous life as usual. not appealing whatsoever. i happened to met a old classmate of mine on the way to work one day last week, i got somehow impressed & intimidated as well. i didn't realise time is catching up with me and there i was, happily doing nothing and seriously lacking behind.

i think i've lost my sense of needs & urgency. i don't think like before now. i am seriously no longer the weiyoung people used to know. i think i am a jerk who happen to just fool around & not fully utilising whatever is given to me. i think i ought to deserve whatever life i am leading right now. you reap what you sow, i finally understand the real meaning behind it. yes, i really do.

i've been working for chan brothers right now, for a month already, in case you didn't know. i'm in some deep-ass-shit i thought. i doubt i'm in the right direction. i shouldn't have agreed to join in despite the fact that i'm gonna start all over from a normal counter personnel. i regretted for quitting five stars end last year, and i really hope that time could just turn back, and have everything i wanted, to start anew. in anyway, i've all the supports i needed & i will stay on until the completion of my diploma. at least till the end of this year.

alright, my brain ain't functioning the right way and i'm uttering bullshit i supposed. sigh.

UPDATES!

i'll be away this weekend for a short KL & Genting trip. partly for the Mayday concert but somehow the concert part is not finalised yet. still not gotten the tickets but the whole trip is confirmed. whee. next, planning underway for trip to tioman in early may, together with AK & small friend. saving for solo getaway to europe in end september in progress as well. (:

2008-02-25T10:49:00.014+08:00

counting down!!!

hohoho! it's exactly 07 more days to my 01 week break before starting at chan brothers & yet again, my another trip down to KL. i've book the S$8 deal on Jetstar and the fare total with taxes is about S$78. it's about one & a half times the price of an aeroline's coach ticket, but somehow i don't want to spend 06 long hours on the coach, doing nothing. so yah, i took Jetstar to KL instead. nevermind about the 02 hours check-in, i'd find time shopping & eating inside the lounge.

i think i'm treating plane like it's bus. i'm practically travelling by flight (whether if it's a short one) almost once every month! i've been to:

february'07 - taiwan

may'07 - vietnam & taiwan (again!)

june'07 - hong kong & shenzhen

july'07 - kuala lumpur

november'07 - kuching

december'07 & january'08 - bangkok & pattaya

february'08 - kuala lumpur

march'08 - kuala lumpur (YES, again!!!)

wonder how much i've spent in total for travelling. sigh! i'm such a spendthrift i know. oops, i forget to mention that i took JAL flight back to singapore the previous sunday. i don't know but to me, travel means fun & an escape from the usual busy routine in life. at least my parents won't be around nagging at me to go to bed early or asking me to go bath etc when i go travel, even if they do tag along, they will not be their usual selves. they will laugh, relax & have fun as much as i do. god knows how much i DO love to travel.

somehow i'm not really looking forward to the new start at CB's, partly because i'm gonna start afresh in a brand new environment, moreover in a bigger one. and mainly cause i'm gonna start out as a counter staff first, having to rotate from counter to call center every month. the manager cant promise me if i can be transferred back into the operation side, but she promised that i'd be somehow on the "waiting list" should there be any vacancies inside. sigh. that's not what i'm heading for initially. nevertheless, i shall be forward looking then. i shall gain much more work experience & in the meantime, complete my diploma in the shortest time possible. oh, i know i've been saying that right from the beginning of 2007, but i'm really serious right now! school gonna reopen in may & i swear i'm gonna take up all 03 modules in this coming semester! i promise...

i've been thinking alot nowadays. my cousin scored rather badly in his O levels (twice) and that he's heading towards national service right now. he got somehow depressed and he mentioned that there's no one there for him to turn to when he needed help. he describe people like, to his context - "im jus a 17 years old boy... i dun have any experience in finding a school by myself... im jus so immature..", YES, i copied from his blog word for word. what bullshit i think to myself, like hello, if i can get over it & move on, then why can't you? at least he has got his parents to rely on in terms for financial support, at least your family do ever care about you. i've only myself to depend on, and i did find my own school & job all by me, myself & i. no point laments over it and no actions done. at least i moved on in life right? come to think of it, i'm still in a dilemma thou' and i've absolute no idea where to head towards to in future. i don't know why i ever studied mass communications in the very first place. i think i only got into it cause i love the media industry but i simply ain't cut out for it. i wonder if i do enter the media industry after graduation, considering the fact that what i'm working as right now isn't at all related to what i studied! sometimes life can be so complicated to the extent that you don't even know what you are doing right now. sigh!

okay, i'm blogging for the sake of blogging. i think i've lost the "thing" in blogging. gosh! please ignore the above alright, & pleassseee close this window. don't come into this site again unless you're very bored & have nothing else to do other than reading weiyoung's usual rantings. LOL.

PS: blog about CNY tml.

PPS: i must really exercise now!!! i'm freaking 61kg!!!

2008-02-19T11:29:00.008+08:00

i'm in such a dilemma (again!).

all the happy & not-so happy memories, just happened to flashback, and i realise i'm being too selfish afterall (or maybe not). i realise one problem comes after another, like a water tap - it never ends. just when i thought things could work out nicely planned, or when the show is almost at its climax, i chose to off & stop it, for no particular reason. i think i've hurt someone yet again. i don't know, but i'm going according to what my heart leads me onto. perhaps after all the giving & compromising, i've had enough & i wanted none of it now. perhaps i merely wanted a break? perhaps the passion somehow fades off over time? perhaps, perhaps, and more perhaps.

sigh. i'm sorry for all the things i've done. maybe if i never did put in so much effort into this, you wouldn't have been hurt so badly right now. i know things are gonna get uptight & hard to passby, but we need to move on. as said, a broken vase can never be back at its original state, even if it does, there are still cracks within it. i've to admit - i'm such a jerk when it comes to relationship. sometimes (or rather most of the time) humans only treasure things only when they loses it. i really want to focus more into work & school right now. the others can wait. yes, it's gonna be hard but i think i can manage, hopefully.

~~"if only time can be reversed, then things wouldn't be the same like now"~~

* * * * * * * * * * *

i've resigned, last day of service will be on the ~~19th~~ 10th march. hopefully i'll be able to adapt to the new environment, and that i can pick up more skills along the way. been thinking, will i stay long in the travel industry? or will i move on to other aspects in future? i don't know seriously. i don't even know what i want! i've been a complacent kid & i think i ought to change that bad habit out of me quickest possible. if everything went smoothly as planned, i'll complete my diploma by the third quarters in 2009. and then, from that time on, i'll move on to the media industry. well, maybe that's just another wishful thinking of mine. but i seriously hope it works. (:

just suddenly, i miss everyone & everything like mad.

i think i need a to-forget-all-the-bad-memories pill, if there is ever such a thing in the universe.

2008-01-28T23:50:00.000+08:00

my life is so effed up right now.

i want to go lalaland. ):

2008-01-16T23:31:00.000+08:00

pong pong #1 - 10 random facts about him:

aright, i'm kind of forced to do this, hence, don't take me too seriously okay.

1) he loves to eat hashbrowns; ~~onion rings~~ & sardine curry puffs. to the extend he can even eat it for days, weeks or even months, continuously. (heh, abit over exaggerating)

2) he can spend like over an hour sitting on the toilet bowl, even if he's not clearing his bowels, doing nothing in particular - only to stare at the not-so-plain wall afterall.

3) he's super proud of his name: tey.weiYOUNG & 郑伟荣; to the extend he even had 02 tattoos of his name on both of his legs.

4) he just simply loves to fart, especially when he's sitting down. and then he'd just let go suddenly, and it'd be great if there's people around him. oops.

5) he hates it when people touches his face with no reason. (other than for affection) cause it'll make his pimple-ed & already rotting face even worst.

6) he have to sleep with his bolster, those long long kind of pillow. and treat it as his partner, hugging it & embracing it. it'll have sleeping effect on him. especially if the bolster case if not washed for a long period of time, say months? heh.

7) he cannot stand llloooonngg finger / toe nails; he'd have them trimmed every couple of weeks.

8) he loves all the crapping sessions with his besties & everyone. e.g. - taking DA (dream airlines) to mars / lalaland everynight; flying on cloud class & am the cloudy frequent dreamer. q:

9) always plan to be thrifty, and always failed to do so. instead splurge on whatever he can afford to, and later then laments about it.

10) he hates / loathes doing quizzes like this one. especially when it takes 100K of brain cells to think about what to write about.

alright, don't take me too seriously. i was merely joking about it. heh heh.

* * * * * * * * * *

alright, what's wrong with people nowadays? i mean those really really calculative & ignorant ones. i'm so so so so pissed & am extremely not comfortable with it. it's like kind of saddening & rather demoralising to know that your so called friend, actually pushes all the blames & blatantly lied & make terrible, crude comments on you when something actually crops up. one incident that occurs to my friend, A:

A was in need to find a room for rental soonest possible, and it happened that his friend, S (ass) actually gotten a room in her home, that's available. and so, A happily went and have a look at S's flat, and S's mother told A that the monthly rental fee were to be $550 per month, including the utilities. A was fine with the amount, considering the fact that it's air conditioned but not really furnished. hence, A happily moved in all his luggages & belongings first, as he's away from town for holidays for almost 02 weeks plus.

and so, after his holidays, A moved in & stayed there physically. once he got back, S's mother told him that there's a need for him to change his room, in the sense that S's mother is right now offering him another room, and claims that this particular room is slightly bigger than the original one, and that A have to topped up an additional $50, amounting to $600 for the monthly rental, without giving any explanation or any reason. and so, A were to be paying more, and he did not have a choice. he was somehow forced to.

A did not feel comfortable with this new arrangement and he decided to move out, after his 03 - 05 days of physically stay. and so, S's mother happily demanded for a compensation, to her term, that is to pay up from the day A moved his barang barang in, to the day he moved out.

and according to A, the so called compensation:

his physical stay & together with his barang barang's stay:

17 - 30 November:

$550 divide by 30 days = $18.33

$18.33 times 14 days = $256.62

01 - 08 December:

$550 divide by 31 days = $17.74

$17.74 times 08 days = $141.93

and so A have to "compensate" $398.55 in total to the bloody old witch.

she's so calculating. considering the fact that A didn't really stayed there physically, and that no damages have been afterall. perhaps what A consumed were only the electricities & water. but duh, A was S's friend leh, and why must she be so fucking calculative? it's not as if A really do some damages or whatsoever, it's merely something like a friend of her daughter's to stayover for a few nights, and that's it. short & simple. why must she be so fucking calculative?

damn jialat these people, and of all thing, they have to make super crude & horrible, terrible & vegetable comments on A. moreover, S & her mother now claims that the amount should be $400+++ (triple plus-es somemore!), and that it's they themselves who didn't laid the rules clearly in the first place. lucky thing was, only verbal agreement has been made. and thus, i don't feel the need for her so called compensation afterall. it's absolute rubbish & nonsensical.

what angered me the most is, S even got her friend, E to join in this commotion, half hoping to blow the matter even bigger somehow. perhaps S got E to join in and help her in scorning A as well.

A's so depressed right now, afterall he still feel guily, and even after promising to make the payment asap, within this two months, S obviously still have not had enough. it's not as thou A doesn't want to pay back this whatever compensation thing. she commented like, oh, i disgust you that kind of thing to A. how bad can she be, as a friend that is moreover. i told A to get over it, and realise how bad people can be. it's just his luck to meet people like S.

ever since the first sight of S and her mother, i alr knew that they ain't good people as i thought they'd be. they've got the typical meaniest look & one look you know they are those people society might not want to have them that kind. at least, to me that is. S's mother even proudly boast her daughter's birth background & everything about her, saying how fortunate they are, to have been able to travel to so many countries across the world, to have her daughter holding a malaysian passport, but born in UK and is a singapore PR, and blah blah blah, all those bullshitting. such a disgrace to malaysian. trying to show off how great & how wealthy her family can be. i'm then, truly disgusted & turned off by S and her group of typical people. fuck them all.

* * * * * * * * * *

today's been a busy day at work. somehow all customers managed to rush in for bookings just before closing. i managed to knock off at 8pm instead of 7pm. anw, almost everywhere is booked during the CNY period, which seats are all taken up since donkey months ago. somehow being in the travel line, it tempts you to travel even if you can't support yourself to. somehow you'll just manage to find a way to travel no matter what. i'd really appreciate if some kind soul is able to provide me with fully sponsored trip with expenses to london, new york & japan. oh, perhaps australia & new zealand too, and the list goes on. i must be day dreaming again. =.=!

so anyway, lingling passes $10 to me before she heads to work today during lunch time, i really really appreciate it, thou it's small in value, but it means alot to me. thanks lingling!

i'm really beginning to get adapted to the austerity programme. for the sake of weiyoung's future, i really ought to do something about it now. which is to save up seriously big lump sum in the shortest time possible. (:

2008-01-15T13:44:00.000+08:00

i wish, i wish, i wish...

dear father in heaven,

i know i've been a really spoiled brat. i cheated, i lied and done so much of a sinful acts. but please at least, i merely wished for someone in the household to strike 4D or Toto, or someone in the household to pick up/found some big cash, say $2000? so that i can enrol back into school and complete my diploma as soon as possible, can that be done?

the next intake will be in june, and i'm desperately in need of another $2000 for my full time studies. dear lord, i've enough in the workforce, and i really really want to be back in school, & i promise i'll be extra hardworking than anybody else. i want to be somebody, not a nobody. i wanna prove to everyone that i can & i will do it. i do not want to waste my parents' money for my pathetic 13 years of expensive education in singapore. so so please, grant my wish and i promise i'll do anything i can afford to. ):

i pray all these in your holy name, amen.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

sigh, i'm darn broke now. so much so that all my travel plans in the later part of the year gotta be put on hold. right now, my education comes first. i'm trying hard not to spend so much late-night outings, don't frequent the movies that much, and no more fastfoods. i'm gonna be ultra thrifty with immediate effect. somehow i felt that there's an immediate need to get myself upgraded academically. i've enough in the travel line after these soon-to-be 02 years. i'm not achieving anything, apart from having the chance to travel almost to all destinations in asia. so fed up can. fellow peers are all moving ahead of me, and i'm still stucked stagnant at square one. i really really need to do something about it. sigh.

afterall, i'm financially dependent of myself after these 02 years. knowing no one in the family would fork out money for me to study anymore. i really need to learn financial planning soonest, urgently. i'm not at all disappointed right now, knowing the fact that my parents ain't giving me any support. it's my own life and i ought to be responsible for it. i want my parents to be proud of me, and not be ashamed. all the fondest memories ever are all beginning to be vague & i'm no longer that cheerful & forward looking anymore, period. maybe i should start to adapt to a no-one-can-enter-my-life kind of attitude and live in my own nutshell world; perhaps i'm right.

sigh, moreover, Chinese New Year is coming, and i have yet to buy any new clothings yet. plus after clearing off all my bad debts, my bills, CNY allowance for dad & mom + grandma, i'm left with nothing for february. maybe a little left from the miserable ang pows i received. but then again, the most i can save for march, april & may is just about $500 to $600 monthly. which is only 03 quarters of what i'm supposed to pay for the first installment of my school fee. so yah. i'm beginning to despise myself for being so incompetent. if only life have a reset button, then i wouldn't need to worry about anything right now. i'm not blaming anyone, but i'm just disappointed that i'm so much of a difference to the rest. i can't helped but to compare. if only, if only, if only!!! if only everything can be reversed, then my life will be at its peak.

2008-01-11T18:20:00.001+08:00

我真的是累了。

我开始慢慢了解感情世界里没有输和嬴，对或错。

我想爱，但却非常地害怕，怕伤害自己及自己爱的人。

我不知道到底要怎么做才能让双方满意，开心等。

也许我该学习放手，或许我们真的不应该在一起。

但是，离别比什么都还要来的痛苦，让我不知所措。

多希望我们真的不曾相识过。

或许没有当初的相识，就没有现在的热恋；

没有了热恋，就没有现在离别的痛苦。

欲哭无泪。

)': x infinity

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

anyway, i'm darn broke now lah. so many debts to clear, so many bills to pay & much much more on its way. so fed up can, i'm basically living on just cheap curry puffs everyday & not having any proper lunches or dinners. sigh, another twenty more days to pay day, which means to say, another pathetic twenty more days to starvation. heh, heck. who knows i'll lost like 5kg after that? sigh. i'm self deceiving. :/

whatever it is, it's gonna be chinese new year pretty soon. and of that, much more expenses coming up next. promises to give $500 to mom & dad each, $100 for grandma & another $100 for my own usage when back in kahang. am going back home on the 06th feb and coming back on the 10th. sigh, after new year, another period of starvation again. alright, my stomach is going on strike already!!! rraaahhhhh!!!!!!

2008-01-10T11:15:00.000+08:00

it's just NOT my day today.

sigh, i don't know but i'm feeling darn suai & just feel kind of not myself lately.

somehow things just keep going against my wish. i've been very tolerating and somehow a part of me just don't feel like giving in anymore. i've been very strong already, but now, i'm almost on the verge of breaking down.

分开后，我们还依然是朋友吗？

i'm in a dilemma, i've always been a good listener to those who need it. BUT, in times to come, i find it so hard myself to share mine with the others. sigh, everything's bottling up in my head, but i just can't seems to get it all right, not even by blurting all out. i just somehow got so pissed easily, so easily agitated & stuffs nowadays.

i really don't want to have 这样的结局，为何事情要闹到这样的地步呢？

as much as i want to overcome all amicably, but on the other hand, another part of me just want to escape and run away from the reality. it's like telling me not to touch the problem, and let it stay stagnant there. i really don't know what to do. i've enough already!

all i need is just a little bit more concern & perhaps a bit more love from you. i'm not asking much at all. don't you realise that it's always me initiating the conversation between us, and all i get is just a simple & short reply from you. sometimes i even question myself for not being a good partner to you yourself. don't you know that even a simple message greeting from you will make my day bright & happy? do you even care about how i felt at times? i'm such a selfish git myself, i know i'm possesive at times, BUT at least i cared, do you? the same old problem just happened to probe back again and again. i've given in alot, and in return i get nothing. i'm starting not to believe in the "to give & to take" belief alr. agnes told me that's life, i don't believe that at all. i feel that everyone should receive the same amount of correspondence & equal treatment to each another. maybe i'm a freak as well, must be.

you told me to change my fucking bad temper, i've changed, thou not drastically. but duh, at least i did. you on the other hand, told me you're not even changing at all. and that you don't even know how to! it's like, absurb! i don't blame you at all you know, for what i fucking care is just your presence around me, and the love you gave. it's seems as thou 今时不同往日。

perhaps i should have just let it go, thou easing the pain in my heart, but i realise to let go is even more painful than it seems. moreover after a bloody 03 months that is. i always tell myself, things will be better tomorrow, but somehow it's the other way round. sometimes we really ought to reflect upon our own actions, see if there's anyone we've hurt or whatsoever. in this case, the wound in my heart is getting worst.

看见你背影来到，写下我度秒如年难捱的离骚。

after all those that i've said to YOU, i just hope that you'd be able to catch my words, and hoping that things wouldn't be the same like now. * fingers crossed * for all i knew that parting is even so much so painful. i've put in all my best i can alr, and am hoping you'd do the same too.

也许有一天，我会很希望，很希望我们不曾相识过。

但是，我也很希望但愿那天不会到来。

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

and oh my fucking shit, i've failed my Riding Theory Test for a bloody 03 times, getting 38 out of 50 each time. fuck fuck fuck. and i don't believe my luck, am going to give it another shot this weekend soon.

2008-01-08T10:46:00.000+08:00

RANDOM RANTINGS

alright, i don't know how to put it, but it seems like 2007 just happened to be whirled out that fast, so fast that i couldn't really recall what i've achieved & accomplished. none of my 2007 new year resolutions have been completed, at least some to not so satisfactory results. nonetheless, i'm pretty tired of reminding me myself of what i should & ought to do again and again. i'm so fucking pissed with myself at times. anyhow, i'm REALLY REALLY into education right now. i wanna get enrolled back into full time studies as soon as possible!!! i may sound naggy, but i keep on telling myself - "... weiyoung, complete the diploma by end of 2009 latest!!!" and i do hope some kind soul will kick me awake, forcing & randomly reminds me to fulfil my wishes. (:

okay, i've thought about this - if i'm ever going to get enrolled back into full time studies, i'd need quite a big lump of cash. which means, on the other hand, to put all my travel plans on-hold. otherwise, i really cannot afford to squeeze any single cent or dollar out of my miserable wallet alr. sigh...

anyway, somehow i'm putting my travel trade career into jeopardy. somehow things went ain't that smooth than i've expected. i think it's human nature that people tends to regret for their actions only after they've done so, people do not consider the outcome & everything before executing something. i hate to say it, but i'm one of those typical human. i shouldn't have left, i should have stayed on & perservere. i love my job, i love the environment, but i can't take the stress & the unequal treatment from the superior. anyhow, i'm out of it alr, & things ain't going that smooth here either. i'm so sick of travel line, & i long to get into another industry quickest possible. and ta-da, it all goes back to the same problem again, i need to get further academic qualifications to move on.

moreover, i seriously hate it when people doubt you, your abilities & everything. i'm so sick of being treated unequally. how can you expect others to respect you when you don't even respect others in the first place? it's so annoying alright.

PS: happy 03 months anniversary. (:

2008-01-04T12:37:00.000+08:00

alright, before anything else, HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone !!!

(thou' it's a bit too late)

oleh oleh, been spending the last few days of 2007 and the first few days of 2008 in Thailand. been an exciting & extreme eye-opener trip for me, reason being there to watch the "live" sex show, camwhoring with transvetites, para-sailing, carried by an elephant like a trunk etc.

alright, let the fotos do the talking.

waiting to board the aircraft.

SQ 970 - Singapore to Bangkok

MEeee!!!

Singapore Girl (not the ah pek sitting down =.=!)

arriving into suvarnabhumi international airport

first stop - Chatuchak Weekend Market, aka Shopper's Paradise!

the market is like humongous! they offer a wide arrays of various merchandise & apparels, and mostly score a great deal of bargains. they even have a pets corner, arts gallery & various buskers performing for a living. spent almost like 4000 baht over there, within a mere 02 hours, that's equivalent to 200 sing dollars here. bought plenty of things, especially an abundance of souveniors!!! it's really one of the must-go places to visit in Bangkok, nonetheless it's only open on weekends. so people, choose to travel during weekends if you're keen to visit the market. it's rather worthwhile.

heaps of voodoo dolls for sale, 12 for only 100 baht.

we also visit the siam paragon, siam square & siam discovery plus MBK. not really into the shopping there, dealers are not as friendly as Chatuchak's, plus all the international brands are located here, so yah. couldn't get any cheap deals here, except for the local products. i'd rather recommend you to the Suan Lum Night Bazaar instead, almost similar as of Chatuchak's, but it's operating every night, from around 8pm onwards to late.

Suan Lum Night Bazaar.

stayed at Grand Diamond Suites Hotel. not that bad, it's like an apartment that kind, with a living room & a kitchenette attached, together with the bedroom. plus, the bathroom have like separate bathtub & the shower stand, so you can imagine, it's indeed spacious enough (at least for the two of us). they have like the hi-fi set, dvd player, microwave, a slightly bigger than usual fridge, sink, stove and stuffs like that. pretty cool lah. but then, forgot to snap some photos inside the room lah, too engrossed into sleeping alr.

okay, that's Wat Arun, or temple of the dawn, somthing that shaped like Angkor Wat that kind. it's pretty high up, like four to five storeys tall? no idea, anyway most city tour will cover that place and entrance fee cost about 50 baht, equivalent to 2.50 sing dollars.

stairs to the top is SUPER STEEP i tell you, see all those people clinging on to the handrails? going up is okay, BUT coming down is a problem. moreover, the steps are like tiny winy ones, hence making climbing almost impossible, nonetheless, the view on the top is superb. afterwards, we went for the "fake" floating market, quite disappointing thou, not the ones we saw on tv that kind. like got many many sampans squeeze very close to each other and selling a wide varieties of stuffs. heard that the authentic floating market is at outskirt of bangkok.

top view on Wat Arun.

the "fake" floating market, with only 02 sampans.

the infamous tiffany cabaret show. cant imagine all performers on stage are ALL GUYS. no girls at all you know. some are either totally pure male, some transgender-ed, some shemale as well. some shoulders very broad lah, some thigh very thick, some facial features still look like men etc etc. and the show bloody cost a bomb, cost around 600 baht per person, which is like 30 sing dollars for a mere hour show.

me with a indian transvetite. (US$2 just to take a foto with her!)

later that night, after the tiffany show, we went to the "6996' live sex show. the whole show have like 15 parts to it, and it will carry on and on and on. so it's like when you enter it and watches it, then after 15 round and then exit when you see the repeated ones. the whole show will not stop. so it's like super cool lah, but somehow i got a bit disgusted, like seeing real porn infront of your eyes. that's one part when this couple, guy & a transvetite were making love, then the guy brought the transvetite down to the audience seats, and put her onto anthony's lap and make love to her there. LOL. it's like super funny lah. weird thou, then they make us touch the transvetite's fake boobies.

PATTAYA city! imitated from the HOLLYWOOD.

getting carried like a trunk by an elephant.

anthony getting ready for parasailing...

and there he goes...

and oh, we also did visit the safari world. and i happened to come across this tigeress, in a very obscene position:

after she realise i was snapping a foto of her, she...

... was paiseh and pose nicely instead. hehe.

anthony!!!

what puzzles me the most is that, why does Thailand have SO MANY indians tourists? when i mean many, i mean MANY! the foto above shows the stage cum pool for the dolphin show, before the start, they were playing some musics and ushering people to be seated, and then, some kind soul played some indian music, and ALL the indians rush up to the front and actually dances there.

we ended up watching indian dance, instead of dolphin show. =.=

2007-12-29T22:58:00.000+08:00

whee, another 09 hours or so & i'm be flying off to Bangkok! oleh oleh oleh, meanwhile before i go:

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! it's 2008! whoo. (:

new life, new goals, new aspirations.

* * * * * * * * * *

will be back on the 03rd of January 2008.

bye bye ~

2007-12-28T13:57:00.000+08:00

hohoho, another 03 more days to 2008! somehow i'm just reminiscing & am missing everything. like how much i'm missing school, missing previous workload etc, blah blah blah. not that i miss doing it, but just miss the way it is. like those days in red cross, wasting weekends away training with fellow peers, getting scolded by the seniors & sharing all laughters/sorrows together with your squad mates. i'm missing it like fuck.

anyway, get back to the 2008 topic, i'm gonna like spend the last 02 days of 2007 in thailand! whoo~ i wonder how the countdown scene in thailand, pattaya to be exact is like. will it gonna be like singapore's? where everybody just happened to be squeezing together, butt to butt, hands to hands, body to body counting down together in some beaches or shopping malls? i'm like so excited lah. oleh. not that it's my first time spending the new year overseas, the other time was in kuala lumpur, which is rather disappointing.

it's like everyone is practically pushing their way around, making walking almost impossible. i remember these couple young ladies pushing me from behind and i got so fed up that i took out my 02 spraycans and sprayed them onto their faces.

* * * * * * * * * *

Motorola is currently using this little bunny, which i think most people are already familiar with it, being popular among MSN users - the Tuzki!

Motorola uses Tuzki to promote its Motorola Q9h Smartphone in Asia, showing off its internet and Instand Messaging (IM) capabilities.

the Tuzki & Motorola Q9h Smartphone

The Smartphone Q9h is designed to make life much more easier, with a full QWERTY keypad and pre-installed Windows Mobile 6.0. It's just like your own portable office space, use it anytime, anywhere! With it's specially designed customizable functions, you can launch 80% of its applications with just 02 clicks away! hoho. (:

You can also surf on its full-screen horizontal HTML browser, making you feel like you have not left your PC! With its installed Internet Explorer, you can log onto the web anywhere as well, moreover, the phone comes with the HSDPA wireless connectivity technology, thus making it connect to the internet even faster than you can imagine. (:

If you forget to log out from msn in your office, don't fret! For Motorola Q9h comes with the pre-installed Windows Live Messenger & other Instant Messaging applications! You can continue to log in & engage in your converstation from anywhere! (:

after knowing the functions of the smartphone, are you craving for it now?

YES??!

what are you waiting for? HURRY! get your own Motorola Q9h now!!!

* * * * * * * * * *

hohoho, watched National Treasure 3 : Book of Secret yesterday. it's SUPERB i tell you. am amazed by the plot, the characters, the smoothness & everything. i love the whole story plot lah, plus Nicolas Cage & Justin Bartha!!! it's somehow similar to that of the previous two series, set out on an an exhilarating, action-packed global quest to unearth hidden history & treasures. it talks about conspirators, the one behind Abraham Lincoln's death... then Benedict Gates (Nicolas Cage) follows an international chains of clues that leads him to one another, to prove his great-great grandfather's innocence to Abraham Lincoln's death. it's super nice lah. all you people should watch it! whee. am watching the thai' spooky movie - Body #19, tonight!

2007-12-27T00:24:00.000+08:00

it's alive!!!

oleh. like finally, after a month or so, finally gotten a new blogskin. whee.

so much things happened while awhile, to name a few -

KUCHING trip on the 30th nov. BATAM day trip on CHRISTMAS day, & blah blah blah. hohoho, feeling much better with the blog around, it just makes my life much more easier, in the sense that it's the only platform to pour out all your painful & not-so-painful memories; heart-felt feelings & basically everything, when there's no one there to hear you out. hohoho. whatever it is, another 03 more faithful days to THAILAND together with anth. oleh oleh~ gonna be taking SQ & it'll be a pure shopping spree holidays there. (:

anyway, this feeling of solitudity is swallowing me whole. i never knew that friendships of >06years is that vulnerable, at times. i fully understood that it's all human nature to be selfish, thinking only about themselves & not sparing a thought for the others. nonetheless, it's painstaking to learn that such a thing is happening to meself. sigh. i wonder whether platonic frienship does ever exists in this world. must it really be the boy-girl in love kind of relationship, or can it be solely boy-girl, the forever-friends relationship? the thought of it really bothers me, such a way it's ambiguous.

back to norm, i'm deciding to take up full-time studies in 2008, and promises to myself to complete my diploma by the end of 2009, which means to say i have another 24 months to go. on a lighter note, i'm planning to submit my application for the permanent residency by early 2008, in which, hopefully by end-march/early-april, the results will be out. it's somehow much more convenient, and enjoying better benefits for staying in singapore. on the other hand, i'll be able to work part time legally, if i take up full time studies, which i would. so yah, am keeping my fingers crossed tightly. (:

2007-11-17T22:38:00.001+08:00

under renovation,
till further notice.

2007-11-12T17:16:00.000+08:00

demoralised, depressed, fucked up.

i'm fucking sad now, fucking sad. somehow all happiness just happened to be sucked out from me, i see no light, no hope no nothing in me. i don't know why, but i always have the feeling of being so not being understood-ed, so not being likeable and left out.

oh gosh, i hate myself now, totally. it's like i hate all the shit i'm creating, all the mess i've created. i super detest myself for not doing my best for academic wise, i super hate myself for not putting in my ultra best in whatever i could. i just hope that everything could turn back in time, to where i can start all over again, then i'm sure things won't be the same like now. till date, i'm still achieving nothing except for an O levels cert, a partial one that is. i can't help but to rant. i really really want to study hard, the hardest possible! BUT, a big big but, i do not have the financial capability to do so. everything just seems to be in a whirl, to study and to work at the same time, it's so freaking tiring. waking up early in the morning to work, get pissed and wear out during work, drag your tired feets off to school in the evening, attending class in an exhausted state of mind, how on earth can a normal homo sapien cope with all these burdens? it's not that i do not want to, but it's taking it's toll on me! i'm beginning to dislike my present lifestyle, life's nothing except for work. i miss those days in school, with your classmates and everyone. i miss all the funs, all the laughters & everything, it's all gone in just a blink of the eye. gone, just like that. sometimes i would rather hope to rot than to move on slowly, life's swallowing me whole. torturing & humiliating you slowly. seeing people pinpointing your mistakes, badmouthing & commenting about you isn't something nice. i don't know what's the matter with me, but i'm definitely feeling not myself today.

sometimes, it's pretty hard to pen down whatever you are feeling, especially when you're feeling emotional & unwell. it seems like i'm going into somewhat a stage, a point in life where everyone must go through. and that that's the toughest & most difficult moments to pass by. everything & everyone just zoom in and out of our life that fast, to the extent you can't even see where you are standing at right now. i just wanna get emo, it do help things up. afterall, i did felt better after a night's crying and stuffs like that. i'm in the transition period and i am still trying my ultimate best to see things in a different manner, to try hard to adapt to everything, to accommodate everyone & to live life to the fullest. somehow i just can't seems to put the big fake smile / mask off my face. i ain't as cheerful & forward looking as before. it's just not weiyoung anymore. i've changed, so does everyone. that's what i call life. the most excruciating thing ever.

i'm in a dilemma, it's like you want to do something dearly, but somehow everyone around you just discourages & pull you down. it's disheartening to know no one supports you, and you are out there on your own fighting your own war, not even anyone closest to you. am i really that detestable?

on a lighter note, i just came back from genting highlands & kuala lumpur last weekend. been there for the cyndi wang live in concert on the saturday night. thou it's wasn't exactly a spectacular one, but the overall performance was slightly satisfying i guess, with JJ lin as the special guest. though bought nothing but a pair of nike pants, but it's an overall enjoyable trip afterall. (:

PS: i hate being separated. ):

2007-11-01T00:53:00.000+08:00

i am suffering from a mental breakdown.

i don't know how to start this, but i'm feeling more and more depressed & somehow got upset easily by every single minor things. i got reminded of the good old bendemeer days somehow. everything just happened to be in a whirl, and all the good, bad and not-so-good memories just flashback in my mind, like a video that will never stop. i felt so helpless now, it's like i'm in the middle of nowhere, felt such a loss, not knowing what to do.

i know i shouldn't have kept on looking at the past, i should have look forward, welcoming life ahead of me, but something is pulling me back. i'm lagging behind when everyone else have already moved on ahead, so much so that you could not even see where you are right now. i'm lost. life ain't that good when what you have in life is just solely all about you, and that absolute no one is there to be with you. no one is there when you needed help, no one is there when you are in need. i felt utter ashamed of myself all of a sudden. family members not by your side when you are at the peak moments in your life, blaming you for every failure in the household, scrutinising my own life, monopolised my every actions & moments, scorning you for not doing well in studies, not wanting to support me further financially at the age of 16, intruding my every lifestyle now and then, not being supportive of whatever i wanted to be, and the list goes on. and when friends are somehow just a label, and they are not totally into relationships with you, and you are giving all the times and not receiving, blah blah and blah. that's much much more to be be listed. i feel like moving out of my house, and start to have my own so called a truly independent life of my own. i wanted to be filial as well, but somehow my instincts just lead me away. in the sense that no one really actually understands me, know how i feel or know what i wanted. all i ask for is merely a simple request, it's not like i wanted something that is impossible. i just hope someone at least, on the outside world, would know me best. alright, i'm blabbering nonsense, writing in a not-so-good kind of english here. just feeling random and wanted to blog about it. somehow i'm relieved after pouring everything out. i'm being neglected & unwanted, i thought so.

" ... you wil not discover new oceans until you lose sight of the shores ... "

爱一起慢慢慢慢的向我靠近，怎能够遇见了你，我是如此幸运，

如果说爱就是要让我们在一起，感谢上帝，我会带着你去找寻甜蜜。

2007-10-27T23:31:00.000+08:00

to give & to take,

that's a important virtue (or whatever it is called) for me to learn.

it's like so painful, not understanding the importance of give & take. especially when you put in so much effort, then seeing the end result not reciprocating, not receiving anything. you will then feel hurt, feel pain and ultimately being the hurt-ed party. i somehow feel so not myself nowadays, i'm prone to influences, in the sense that i'm an easily affected person. i don't know how to manage my life, and i just simply goes with the flow.

whatever it is, i think trust is still the most important factor to have when in a relationship. it's like so much unnecessary things won't happen when trust is present, when trust is not there, somehow everything just go wrong, real wrong. i think it's just humans, to cherish and value something only when it's no longer there. there's still so much to learn out there in the society.

有施必有得，请您切记！

2007-10-23T00:19:00.000+08:00

moodless.

tey wei young, now, at this hour, this minute, this second,
is feeling ultra moodless!!!

don't even talk to me.

the depressed.

2007-10-20T01:09:00.000+08:00

superficialness.

alright, i have to admit. i do judge people on the way they look at the very first meeting as well. so i am in no position to comment on other's actions. so yah. anyhow, i'm feeling kind of refreshed this week thou. it's like so stress free and seriously much more relaxed. am enjoying myself thoroughly in life now, both socially, at work and everything. it seems as thou things are getting brighter around me, like in a dark room, then suddenly the lights are all switched on and ta-da. you feel bright & cherry. (:

that fellow msn-ed me earlier ago, like finally after unblocking her for weeks. nonetheless, she asked the usual things like, how are you doing lah, how are you that kind of thing. but, my main point is, she actually commented that i should start to get off with work well, and that i cannot hide forever that kind of thing. it's like freaking annoying. she has absolute no power, and in mother fucking position to pinpoint at me. i left because of her, and she doesn't even realise what god damn big mistake she is making. if she carries on like this, everyone will bound to leave for sure. and it's like sooner or later. still have the audacity to ask me how i am doing now, obviously i'm doing much much more better than in five stars. so freaking stupid can. super super hate her times infinity. S:

oh gawd, the ebaa malaysia fair is here next week again. and there goes my weekend again. gosh. oh! i am travelling to kuching in end november, oleh. gonna be first ever solo-paid flight, on malaysia airlines. hehs. i'm like getting excited already. then afterwhich, am saving up for the ticket to adelaide in late feb / early march next year with darling woei tyng. she's coming back to singapore this november, and will spending her three months long holiday here. so yah, am flying back together with her then. am looking forward to it. (:

erm, i went back to golden mile yesterday night, and thought that it's time to reveal myself now. so yah, met up with the rest and am super happy lah. really miss those days in golden mile, it's more of a family than compared to at people's park. i mean, this is my first job ever, and i really appreciate five stars for gaining much more knowledge pertaining to travel trade traits & toursim. nonetheless, i really cannot stand working in a working environment, and a family-run business orientated company like this. it irks me. so yah. i love my current company, my new colleagues. they are much much more understanding, patient and definitely better as compared to five stars. <3

2007-10-16T22:31:00.000+08:00

random.

Alright, I don’t know how & exactly what is happening to me. It just seems to me like everything is in a whirl, things passes by that fast that I could not even catch a glimpse of it. I’m lost, just like that. I’m being too foolish and naïve at the same time. It’s like you know it’s wrong, and that you still want to go ahead with it stubbornly. I’m being stupid I know, but little did I knew that things could go such horribly wrong, much more worse than I expected it. Why on earth did I keep having this kind of feeling in my mind?

I’m feeling like the same as before now, put in so much effort and get nothing in the end. I am being such an idiot for doing so much. No one ever supported me, no one ever believe in me, no one ever trusted me that much, no one & plainly no one. My life revolves solely just around me myself and I. It’s like I’m so adapted to my own comfort zone, till the extent that one who tries to intrude will just get shut off. I’m never satisfied with myself, never knew what I am doing. I’m like a dead walking corpse, wandering aimlessly in life, not knowing what to do, not heading any direction, totally lost, life all wasted. To think mom & dad spent so much monies on my education, and everything just goes into the waste, you know, it’s simply gone just like that.

I have my own goals, but I realize I’m not being realistic enough. There were just unattainable ones, I make up everything myself, and it’s like just another wishful thinking of mine. I thought I’d make it big, be someone useful at least, but I didn’t. I’m such a failure in everything. Everything! For goodness sake! My presence at home brings annoyance to everyone; I’m never at once wanted, lest about being loved. I’m just another waste living on mother earth. Never did I felt so down in my life before. I sucks at everything seriously. No matter how well & how hard I’ve done, nobody seems to appreciate at all. It’s like so heartache to see all your efforts being washed down the drain, plus being pinpointed at isn’t something that’s nice as well.

I hate to love. Love is so powerful to the extent that one can sacrifice his own life for it. One can forgo everything he owns and blindly pursue love. I hate to love, or rather, am afraid to. I have like so much of insecurities whenever i’m in a relationship, it’s like I’m so lack of confidence in myself, worrying about this and that. Worried that the other half might be taken away by others, worried that the other half might no longer be in love with me, and blah blah blah. I know I’m being immature, but that’s how I feel about love. Saying I love you may be easy, it’s just verbally and that’s it. I somehow felt that these three particular magical words, are actually the ones that bring you and your partner closer, in the sense that it serves somehow as an encouragement, an extra boost to the relationship. Being in a relationship is definitely something tiring, time consuming and you may have to sacrifice things or people around you for it. I hate being in love, seriously. Sometimes I think to myself, being sensitive might have harmful effects that sours the relationship as well. Alright, I’m being very random here, please ignore me, I’m just writing down whatever I felt at this very moment.

PS: Fuck it, I didn’t know loving someone could be that tiring, I really really hate being separated from your love. How nice if the time stops where it is when you are together with your love. ):

过期 - 元味觉醒

想要保持沉默，却有太多的话想说，
你拥有了自由，我却只剩下难过。

试探你的心中，是否还有我的影踪，
昨日留下的梦，化作美丽的星空。

笑着说不难过，但是眼泪骗不了我，
是坚强还是懦弱,早已模糊了我。

我开始懂得试着让自己慢慢忘记你，
看着我们的爱，在有效期间里过期。

我开始了解感情的世界没有输和赢，
曾经深爱着你，在有效期间里过期。

2007-10-16T03:07:00.000+08:00

whee, elated.

alright, i'm feeling kind of glad & joyous.

i'm going to genting on the nov 10th, followed by the kuching trip on the nov 30th.

am feeling like extremely happy now lah, looking forward to these 02 travel arrangements in the forthcoming november period. so yah, smiles & more smiles. (:

ohh, and i've managed to download & try out the adobe photoshop lah, and here's my end-result:

2007-10-14T22:33:00.001+08:00

alright, somehow so many thoughts happened to whirled into my mind all at one go. and i really have to blog about it, it's somehow bothering me and seriously affecting my well-being.
i felt so useless right now, in the sense that i'm being not productive at all. in the past, at least when i'm still in five stars, i keep myself busy with work and nothing else but work. nonetheless, in this new company, thou' still in the travel trade industry, i feel so much so redundant than before. i'm practically doing nothing but surfing the net, msn-ing and chit chatting, whatever it is, i'm not working and am producing nothing at all. never did i felt so helpless before. plus, i'm like desperately cashless right now. i'm definitely not feeling at the very least gay. i keep thinking to myself, it's only the transition period, it'd be okay after a few weeks or so. but heck, i'm still not getting use to it. i promise, sumpah and whatever it is to myself, to seriously save up, get myself upgraded with paper qualifications and to move on in life. i cannot be stucked at travel line all the time. this isn't what i wanted at all in the first place, it's just a stepping stone for me, and a source of cashflow. so yah, i'm praying doubly hard to God, to bless me with the strength for me to go the extra mile, to work hard for my diploma in mass communications, to earn myself a license in motorcycle class 2b, to have a stable; reasonable amount of pay, to move out from my folks, to love and be loved. there's just so so much i wanted to do and achieved, but it's just the lazy bone in me that doesn't want to move on and slowly pulling me back from the future. i solemnly swear to myself, i am and i will gear myself up, to do things to my advantage from this moment onwards.

another important issue that is still affecting me, is that i can't stand staying with my folks anymore. i need my own space, my own room, my own privacy. i hate to be controlled and when this happens, i flared up, and thus souring our relationship. i don't want this to happen, and so i think to myself, why not move out and bingo. i have my own room, my own private space, my own privacy. ding ding ding, but this is not realistic thou' i do not have the financial needs to fulfil my wants. it just doesn't seems like a home here in singapore, it's like i'm not wanted here, they say crude and offensive languages to me (thou' that's only at times, but duh), does not support me in whatever i wishes to pursue (be it financially, socially or whatever), does not accept me for the way i am. thou' i do appreciate them for bringing me up in singapore, for developing me into who i am today, BUT, a big but that is, i am still lamenting over the fact i'm not local but did study in singapore since young. why the need to bring me to singapore when you couldn't afford to? why insisted me in staying in singapore when i doesn't want to? why blamed me for not doing that well in O levels when you don't even give a damn for the other important examinations? why, why and why? i'm fucking pissed with myself at times. don't you people realise all the stress that is on me since young? you keep comparing me to the others, not giving a damn to how i feel, not being concern about me. i feel so depressed, unwanted and not loved at times. i'm having enough, and hence, i'm gonna move out soon. very soon!!! that's final.

i'm having the i-want-to-travel syndromes again, i feel so much relaxed, enjoyable when travelling. i mean, be it a short trip to batam, to jb or anywhere else, at least let me take a breather out of singapore. wanted to go for the 03 nights cruise to penang / phuket again with XXXXXX, but it's like around 500 per pax, and it's rather costly. nonetheless, i'm seriously keen in this cruise thingy and i hope to sail again on S.S. Virgo this end november. and yah, i'm looking forward to the kuching cum pontianak trip in end november / early december with XXXXXXX again. hehs. (:

why is it that humans don't cherish what they own until they lost it? fuck it, i hate the feeling being separated from your love.

2007-10-13T03:56:00.000+08:00

something is going, very wrong.

i seriously don't know what is exactly going on. i just don't feel like it, here being who i am, what i does, and who i meet. i seems so troubled with even trivial things. it's just not weiyoung. i'm not being myself.

sometimes things just wouldn't go smoothly, it's bound to go against your way. and yah, i have the sudden urge to move out and stay alone in a rented room or something. i just somehow cannot stand living together in my already very cramped, and yet overcrowded mini mini flat of mine here. i wanted to move out, but am restricted by father & financially. i wanted to be someone great, at least to be famous somehow. i don't want to remain at the same level in terms of social status. i've had enough. i wanna move up, be someone rich, or rather, be at least slightly higher than average.

alright, so much to say, mind flooded with thoughts, nothing came out to the keyboard. so yah. (:

2007-10-09T12:29:00.000+08:00

alright. i think i'm becoming someone whom i ought NOT to become.

nonetheless, i love the way i am, and who & what i should be.

i am who i am, and i'm enjoying the break free. (:

"... to be or not to be; that's the question. "

to love, or not to love? that's then, my question.

" to err is human " - how true can that be ? i mean, people don't really accept the facts for who you are right now, in this society. it just dawn on me that people can be much more selfish, unscrupulous than what they ought to be. anw, my point is that the society we are all living together in right now, has changed drastically.

i'm enjoying myself thoroughly right now, life has been great!

it's like a heavy load on me has been removed, and that i'm beginning to see things in a much relax, brighter & much much more enjoyable manner.

i want to go on a long holidays, and i do still believe that dreams, do come true. (:

2007-10-03T16:40:00.000+08:00

jeremy.

name: jeremy.
gender: male.
meaning: God will raise up; God will set free.
pronounciation: JER ah mee.
form of: jeremiah.
additional info: an anglicized form of the name Jeremiah that originally gained popularity in the middle ages.

i thought it'd be nice to know the meaning behind your names. go try it out.

2007-10-02T11:07:00.000+08:00

what the bloody hell.
alright, ask me about my birthday, and i'll tell you i've had the worst in the whole of my eighteen years old life. i don't know why, but i felt just bitterness and solitudity on the night of the birthday eve. it seems as thou' all happiness and liveliness has been all sucked out of me. (alright, you must be thinking dementors are around, but no) and the fact is, i spend the particular night alone, with mother out with her friends, with father back in malaysia, and not even a birthday wish from them, at all. i felt numbness when i looked back, things ain't the same now like before. everything and everyone have changed, for good or for the better? i really don't know, i have my doubts.

well, birthday ain't that bad afterall. it's the worst part when my own family doesn't even concern about me, but on the other hand, on a happier note, at least i'm glad there are people who did celebrate with me, on the actual day itself. went out my apple and small friend to marina square, and went lunching, k-ing and movie-watching. thou' the usual stuffs people would do every weekend, but to me, i felt rather warmth and, yah. that's what i hoped for this year, a quiet 18 birthday.

anyway, i tried to leave singapore yesterday night to a futile attempt. i was stopped by the immigration officer (as expected) and was told not to exit singapore yet, but insisted me to make a visit at the ministry of manpower instead. and so here am i, calling up mom, and was informed that i need that special letter to exit singapore, and that i must do so promptly. nonetheless, i can choose to find a new employment and then submit for a new application, then i will need not leave singapore. so yah, keeping my fingers crossed hard, praying for the in-principle approval to be approved later on in the day. (:

after all these tribulations (or should i use runaways and mia-ing, tribulations is quite a heavy word to use), i've come to realise who is friend, and who is foe. i mean, you'll just automatically see it on the day i "disappeared". then, people starts to malign you, talking bad about you, pinpointing mistakes and putting blames on for things you obviously have not done so. i felt quite hard to take it initially, i'm beginning to learn how to swallow all the bitterness, and to take things into my stride. imagine my previous workload are now being split and shared by three to four people now, then in the first place, how bloody shit can i cope when i was given all these tasks to do, alone for goodness sake. imagine coming to work every morning at nine thirty am sharp (alright, i admit, sometimes i'm late too), and there's someone bugging you to do this and that when you haven't actually sit down on your seat and even starting your computer. then by ten am, another superior bugged you (again, i know) to do his/her stuffs first, and there's like a huge pile of work to be done every single day. then on the other side, you see your fellow colleagues happily going out for lunch in a fixed timing, whereas you, foolishly having to be stucked in front of the computer doing your never-ending work. when i disappeared, you people starts to pity them, i shan't mention names, but them. you people said that he/she have to work til midnight to sort out my stuffs and blah blah blah. what absurb nonsense, then why don't you dumbass realise that me myself and i, do work til midnight at times as well? then how, for christ's sake, can i cope with a supposedly 03 men's workload? i'm not a robot and i need to rest as well, don't i need quality time with my family and friends? i've mention these before already, saying that i seriously need someone to assist with my workload, but no actions have been taken! so what the hell, please pardon me for my departure you fool. stop bad mouthing me and shut all your craps up please.

2007-09-30T15:12:00.000+08:00

happy birthday.
happy birthday to me.
happy birthday to me.
happy birthday to weiyoung.
happy birthday to me.

what big shit, happy birthday indeed.

2007-09-29T10:40:00.000+08:00

solitude.
oh right, i'm feeling awful & somehow not encouraging.
moreover, life is as bland and dry as usual. nothing exciting or miraculously surprising happened. somehow i felt like i was in the middle of nowhere, the once objective & straightforward me is gone, just like that. i feel lonely, and rather despaired from time to time. i'm disheartened by the fact that i'm not at all socialising. i've been mixing around with the same group of people all along. i admit that my social circle ain't that wide, but somehow it's taking its toll on me. i don't know but i realise it's leaving a rather deep impact on me.

been reading up on my ex-classmates and the others blog, plus randomly surfing thru' the friendster. am awed by most of them, to the extent that it's something you wouldn't imagine could happened, actually happened. life's full of its ups and downs i know, little did i knew that mine is filled so much with obstacles and yah. i've already forgotten how to look on the brighter side of life, i've been living too much on the past, i've been relying too much on people around me. it's somehow the usual routine of work, home, work that kind of thing ever since graduation. i'm not improving at all, seriously lacking something. somehow whenever i look back at myself, i feel an acute pain, sorrows and a great dissappointment. i've still not been able to cope with life, and worst of all, to adapt to the working society.
it's been a fruitless year and a half since graduation. all i did was just to defer my studies, splurge all the not-so-hard earned monies on travelling and stuffs like that. i've practically gaining nothing. and so, the main thing is, i'm bothered by quite a huge load of matters which seriously am affecting the way i live and everything revolving around me.

i'm defeated by my own life. i seems somewhat foolish and idiotic. i've put in so much efforts and energies to maintain our relationship (alright, not the love me, love you kind of relationship, but what i mean is friendship), and naively think that you, on the other hand, would obliged and reciprocate. never did i knew that such horrendous things could happen. the end result hurt me a lot thou'. is that just another wishful thinking of mine, or am i making things up? i felt so lost and dumb all of a sudden. it seems like no matter how much i've done, no one will seems to understand and actually relates back to me. we are merely friends on the outside, superficially. should i really call ourselves best pals, besties or whatsoever? i've seen thru' all walks of life at the age of 18, everything and everyone. you cannot understand how bad the situation is until you experience it. i sucks, and i'm beginning to hate myself to bits.

2007-09-28T17:56:00.000+08:00

how should i start it? oh well, somehow i feel as thou' people ain't reciprocating the same amount of effort and hard work you've put in, or rather you give more than what you received. i don't know why but i feel rather discouraged. it's like you gave in so much, and yet you aren't receiving any bits back. urgh, it's so unfair at times thou'.

and ho, i'm seriously enjoying myself after my departure from that monstrous place. thou' i dread going back there, but part of me really misses it. not that kind of miss whereby you want to go back and remain there, but the kind miss where you spend you once happy moments at. it's just like graduation somehow, where you're glad enough to leave school, not knowing how and what the outside world is like, then on the other hand, reminiscing and forlorns those days you have had with your best pals in school. thou' we have to move on, i know. but sometimes it isn't bad to think about those days down your memory lane.

i'm dead tired after all those late night outings again, almost everyday for a week. it's depleting my energies and everything. plus, another 02 more days to sweet eighteen. whoo. well, i don't really expect much this year. i wish for a quiet, discreet and low-profile sort of celebration. in fact, i don't intend to have any celebration or sort. all i want is just a small outing with a few close friends of mine. that's all, nice and simple. and yah, i'm looking forward to it. say goodbye to those no M18 movies days, say hello to driving lessons and much more. (:

oh, another month or so left to end of module, half a month or less to assignment due date. afterwhich, am beginning on motorcycle driving course, and hopefully i've got enough monies for the iata course. whee. so much to do! and hoho, i'm planning to really scrimp and save every single cents i have right now, i plan to depart for taipei in, hopefully, february'08, and ho and behold, to go for a long term sort of working holiday there. in the sense to work and to holiday at the same time. yep yep. (:

btw, happy belated birthdays to magaret, edmund, yiyan, mizael.
and happy advance birthdays to zuhairah and me!!! (:

2007-09-13T21:52:00.000+08:00

the runaway :: day 02
oh mine. it's been a mere 04 days since i went mia from work, and the second day away from home. but, it seems more or less like ages to me. i miss everything and everyone. but i couldn't turn time back, i've gotta move on, and straight ahead. i've made this choice, what i gotta do is just to accept it. even if they allow me to go back, i will not want to do so as well. i'm way to ashamed and yah, disgusted by my own actions.

whatever it is, i've sent as many applications to various travel trade companies, hoping to receive their calls real soon. *fingers crossed* well, i'm going back to kluang first thing tomorrow morning, to visit dear old grandma and my cousins. gonna give everyone a big surprise since it's been a whole 02 years since i went back. afterwhich, get replenished and i'll be back for KL. what i want to say is, i'm real proud to be a malaysian. i don't know why, but somehow i feel much patriotic and a sense of belonging when in malaysia, than in singapore. thou' as a matter of fact, i've been in singapore much longer than in malaysia. i guess that's just me, wanting so dearly to be accepted and wanted.

whatever it is, i'm getting stronger and stronger as each day passes by. i'm seeing things in a much relaxed, and stress-free way. i love the freedom and independence i'm having right now. not longer the mommy's boy and stuffs like that. i really do hope that mom and dad could really understand what i'm thinking, and what i'm doing now. seriously, i want my life back. if it weren't for what you've done, i could be some ordinary boy, growing up in a kampong, and then poof. things will not be the same like now. i don't blame them at all. yah, thou' i keep on laments over it. i mean, it's time for me to venture out into the city, and not dwell in your comfort zone. it's only the first step i have taken. and i know there's much more to come. i'm getting prepared, and definitely will do my ultimate best to overcome it.

when i sit down quietly alone earlier on today, many many thoughts just happened to go thru' my mind. it seems like a monster which just happened to come take over your mind, cease all whatever you are thinking and throws you into a dark and cold cell. it's too much for me to take it thou'. i've lose all appetities and it makes me so restless. happened to think about the good old days i'm having in school, the glory of the glories in red cross, the after school revision programme and blah blah blah. i miss everything and everyone. how nice if i were to remain young, and not growing up at all. to remain at that stage of life. it's much more enjoyable than to be in the society. that's when we do not need to worry about anything or everything. unlike today, have to worry about money, food, shelter, so on and so forth. it make lifes so tasteless, bland and sickening. sigh.

i've been in the working society for almost 02 years now, which i must say, i've gain and loss much. i'm not so proud to say that i have very few friends, apart from those hi-bye type of course. very few that are actually your soulmates, those that really understands you and will go all ways to support you in one way or another. friends are quite one vital need every human kind must have. i really cannot stand loneliness, and keeping everything to yourself. i really have to thank God for making who i am today, to have a handful bunch of peeps that actually do cares for me. i'm grateful and no words could describe i feel for them. yep, thanks so much for being there when i need you. (:

alright, i've been blabbering too much today. one day down, a couple more hours to home, sweet seventeen more days to another year older, three months more to 2008. and tata. good nights. (:

2007-09-12T02:38:00.000+08:00

the runaway :: day 01
okay, i’m back to blogger. anyway, I am at eric’s house here in Kuala Lumpur. It’s 2am plus and I’m still hogging his lappy. well, i think i deserved it all. i created this mess and chose to leave it. i’m such a jerk and am an immature person. i am really in a dilemma, am in such a helpless state. imagine someone with only a mere S$100 bucks, leaving Singapore and his family behind, wanting to carve out a whole new independent life on his own? what nonsense! i cannot believe i am the one. i am broke over here and I seriously do not know what to do.

To ST, JP and the rest, my sincere apologies for my irresponsible, irrational, stupidity and selfishness. i do not want to end things this way. i have my reasons and I am really sorry for all inconveniences caused.

to dad & mom, you know i love you for the rest of the world. i hope to seek your forgiveness for my insolence and ungratefulness. please, i hope to receive your fullest support and love, so as to push me harder for my independent life here in KL. i know you guys wanted me to stay in Singapore, be a citizen there and remain there for good. but i can’t, i am stucked either way. either i remained in Singapore, or i go back to Malaysia. i chose the latter. please allow me have my own independent life here, or perhaps when the time is right, i might return to Singapore.

i am facing the most difficult and darkest moment ever in my life. i am helpless, lonely, hungry and cold. no one’s there to guide me anymore. i am on my own now, and God, please bless me with strength and power to overcome all odds that might empower over me in times to come. what I need now urgently is a stable job with a reasonable pay, and a room for shelter and perhaps a loan for a start. otherwise, i really do not know where and how to begin with. i felt so foreign here in KL, it is so unlike Singapore. once i got everything done and are on the tracks, i supposed i shall be alright then.
i miss dad & mom already, thou’ it’s only the first day of the runaway. sigh. anyway, i have already emailed various agencies my resume and hope to receive their calls soon. keeping my fingers crossed tightly.

God, please open another window for me, when the current one is already closed. i pray to you for forgiveness, for strength and the will to stand thru’ all obstacles. Please, father God, i pray, let me have at least a shelter over my head and cash in my pockets, for i cannot rely on eric all the time. Father God, please take away all my undesirable thoughts and acts, let me be focused and resolute. i pray all this in your holy name, Amen.

2007-06-10T20:09:00.000+08:00

just my luck.
alright, am back from that hongkong & shenzhen tour leading trip. everything was going quite smooth until the last day - eight out of twenty passengers missed their returning flight. goodness gracious me. after umpteen times of reminders and confirmation of the departure gate and boarding time, they eventually went to the wrong departure gate and were late for boarding. and there i am, happily seated in my seat on the plane, preparing for take off and awaiting for my ever-comfy bed. until the airport staff came and approach me.
"hello, are you the tour leader? there is still a group of your customers who haven't board the plane!!!" i was shocked and stunned. afterwhich i called the customers and thereafter, i gave up my flight as well. and whee, there it goes. i didn't come back to singapore on that faithful night, instead i spent that night alone at the airport.
the affected customers did actually have the audacity to put the blame on me. they wanted me to be responsible for their plight. wanted me to bear the entire cost for their onward journey ticket to singapore and accomodation for that night. how stupid and ignorant these people are!!! goshes. afterall, i did fulfil my responsibilities as a tour leader, i did issue them their boarding passes, i did remind them of the boarding time and departure gate, i did emphasize on it and they did acknowledge afterall. fine, i did more than what i should do already, moreover i gave up my flight because of them as well. hais. anw, the airline does not allow them to change their flight and would require them to purchase a new ticket to depart for singapore. so they gotta purchase a new ticket to go back to singapore. lols. luckily my company booked a return ticket for me alone on jetstar, which cost around hundred eighty singapore dollars. so there they are, keep on arguing with the airlines over there at hong kong and me flying back to singapore. whee. i don't care anymore. i have done my job and did more than what i should do alr.
and oh, how suay i am lor, my baggage were lost!!! in total i first check-in 02 baggages with cathay, afterwhich transferred to the transit area. i was told to inform jetstar if my already checked-in baggages, and jetstar assured me that they will transfer that 02 baggages to their flight. but then, to my horror - it didn't!!! it was still there at hong kong when i reach singapore. goshes, inside were all the gifts and soveniors from disneyland and the wife cakes. and lucky the airport people managed to trace back my baggages, well that was two days later. hais, just my luck.
oh, right. it's been confirmed!!! dreams do come true afterall. am going to the operations department in less than a week's time. oleh oleh. am starting on the 19th of june. whee. somehow i feel happy and elated. at least i can enjoy what i am doing right now and would have a fixed working hours at the bare minimal. whoo, am looking forward to it!!! (:
oleh, meeting up with the rest tml evening. am having another mini primary school gathering. whoo. thanks to apple for changing shift with me. (:

2007-05-30T08:54:00.000+08:00

never felt so helpless before.
alright, been too long since i last blogged. am really too tied up with work recently, especially since the travel peak season is here. and ho, the ho chi minh trip was tremendous!!! whee. spent XXX amount in total, or more than that i guess. okay, to summarised everything, we went to taipei from ho chi minh in day two. which means, we spent 03 nights in taiwan, and 01 night in ho chi minh. hahas. altogether, we took four flights to and fro. whee. somewhat a waste of money i know, but upon touching in ho chi minh, we were like a bit disappointed and stuffs like that. i mean, yes, vietnam is exciting and nice, but somehow it doesn't really attracts us in the sense like, whoo, a breathtaking experience for city dwellers like us. overall, i conclude that vietnam is way too adventurous for the both of us. lols. for those who wished to travel into vietnam, i would suggest to take up a pre-arranged tour here in singapore, unless you can speak vietnamese and bargain without any difficulties. it would be real challenging if you can't. (:
anyway, i'm flying to hongkong and shenzhen this coming saturday morning. whoo!!! another tour leading trip this time round, and i'm going to the disneyland. wipee. ulahlah. am taking cathay pacific and flying off on saturday morning. whee. somehow a part of me yearns to go for this tour, but on the other hand, another part of me does not wish to go for it. yes, i can go for free for this whole trip, and yes i can save the money for the air fare, but on the other hand, i will be bonded for three months from the date of return. meaning which, i can only quit after september, last day of service will be somewhere in mid october. i don't know if i am making the right decision or not seriously. remember i wanted to go into the operation side in my previous post? somewhat i got rejected and being despised at, i supposed. i thought i was being looked up at, but i was wrong. it was just a joke, i thought. a joke that was just about playing a fool out of myself. just like the old chinese saying, if you don't have a big head, then don't wear a big hat. perhaps it was just a wishful thinking of my own. and yes, i am hurt now. am really looking forward to resignation now. life weren't that interesting at work now. too much of politics, backstabbing, rumours and nothing but malign accusations. anyway, no point going grubbling, i have already taken up the tour leading. whatever it is, endurance is all i need.

2007-05-01T11:13:00.000+08:00

i never had a dream come true, till the day that i found you...
ohh, whatever it is. things would get better for me, hopefully.
anw, received some goody goody news from the manager yesterday, was told that i was somehow or rather, put on request to be transferred to the operation department, provided that the operation side would accept me in. and ho! keeping my fingers crossed still, seriously hoping that they will accede to my request. hohoho, all i got to do now is wait. whee. i am one step closer to dream come true finally. if everything goes smoothly later on, my pre-planned resignation would be postponed for sure. (: at least i'm suited with another job scope and work environment i liked best. i knew what is good for me rather than to adjust to meet other people's needs.
ulahlah, another mere ten more days to my ho chi minh trip. whee. and i am seriously looking forward to it. hoho. am spending five long days over this beautiful city over the weekends next week. oleh. am sure going to enjoy myself thoroughly. (:
anw, met up with the peeps last week as usual, gathered and talk nonsenses all the way thru. come to think of it, i'm seriously lagging behind the others. be it in terms of academic wise, relationship wise etc. i'm darn fed up with myself somehow. especially when we started talking about the old school days, then progressing on tertiary education and to present. somehow my greatest regret in this whole wide world is all about me, about me not studying hard enough when i ought to. here i am myself, carving a life out there in the society on my own. i just couldn't put my past behind me and just move on. somehow i'm always lingering there. come to realise, paper qualifications are really important. without it, those superiors at your workplace does not recognise your efforts and ability, in fact they doubted it. so whatever it is, i tell myelf - to keep on improving myself academically, and at the same time gain work experience. foolish me, if i knew things earlier on, then things wouldn't be the same like now. if only i knew. goshes.
i'm on my way there already, already put aside a small sum of money for the iata course, and i'm pretty sure by end june, i would be able to fork out the whole lump sum in total. hoho. (: i'm looking forward to everything. a whole new revolution in weiyoung's life...

2007-04-15T10:42:00.000+08:00

whee!!! to start off on a happy note, we've found a new flat finally. whoo, whee, hoot. anw, this three rooms flat is going to increase our expenses, from just a mere eight hundred dollars rental for a four rooms flat to a thousand dollars for a three rooms flat now. hais, somehow i'm glad cause we won't have to worry about lodging. on the other hand, contradicting, i felt so financially restricted. somehow i felt that i got to take up the responsiblilty now, to contribute at least, to the household expenses. with just a mere thousand five gross salary each month, i'm left with little at the end of every month. seriously broke.
i'm feeling kind of random recently, been wanting to do this and that. anw, met up with the rest the darlings and did a little bit of shoppings. hoho. and ho! my computer has been fixed and installed with a dvd writer. whee.
anw, i'm looking forward to the ho chi minh trip in coming may. oleh oleh. somehow this trip is kind of an impromtu, as in we booked the air tickets during the promotion period, which is like in end march, two months away from the departure date. it's still cheap overall, from my point of view though. it's S$188.00 exluding taxes. overall i paid less than S$300.00 alone for the air fare, moreover, i'm flying with Singapore Airlines. whee. (: yep yep, am going for a 5D4N trip with one of my colleagues. hoho, and i'm still very excited and anxiously looking forward to it. though i knew that i shouldn't be on the high-end side, splurging every single hard earned penny. but somehow on the other side of my sub-conscious mind, it keeps on telling me to go for it. well well well, i really really promise hard to save every single cents i have, i try. hahas. (:
ohh, i'm planning to go for job hunting already, i'm beginning or rather, already lose hope in my current job somehow. i've make myself very clear that i'm not cut out for counter duties, but pathetically, i'm still stucked here. at this stage of life, i'm not well qualified enough to "leave it", i have to and are obliged to "take it". the highest qualification i hold right now is just a mere four credits O levels certificate and a one year work experience. somehow i kept on thinking i'm nothing compared to my friends. it's always the same situation whereby i'm down to no topic at the end of the day when i am with my ex-secondary schoolmates. hais. i keep telling myself to endure for another couple more months, and after that am going to hop into another company. hoho. hopefully so...

2007-03-12T13:15:00.000+08:00

THEY TOOK AWAY MY ONE & ONLY CHANCE, I'M LEFT WITH NO HOPE.
for no reasons, i felt so lousy right from the start when i wake up this morning. seems like i'm getting more and more moody as each day pass by, for no obvious reasons as well. duh, what's wrong with me. anw, to look on the brighter side of life, i have finally registered for the travel and tourism diploma programme alr. whee. anw, the registration fee cost me $84 and the whole course fee requires $3K plus plus, and that $1.6K is required before commencement of course. hais, meaning to say i need to pay $1.6K before 26 march. somehow in a dilemma again. hais.
i'm like dead beat after those two days at that super boring in-house travel fair. having to wake up early and retreat back to sleep late at night, life's been getting v bland, monotonous and much more meaningless.
well, happily thought that my leave for good friday that weekend could be approved, but then somehow my application got rejected due to some unforeseen circumstances. though just for a mere two short leave, and poof! my hope of going back to visit grandma, as well as for the qing ming festival plus grandpa's death anniversary vanished just like that. felt so down the moment i got rejected. i mean, if i knew earlier, i wouldn't want to go tour lead in taiwan for sure. somehow i feel as if i'm always entangled with work here and there, and like i am living a life that does not belongs to me. and the worst is i am bringing home peanuts pay. so what the hell. no money equals no talk. gotta remain and stick on to this job just for the sake of it's scandily paid job, i just hope to save as much as possible, get myself academically upgraded, get some paper qualifications and leave immediately. yes, i am going to do that, soon.
anw, mother is going for her shanghai trip w the other aunties of mine, to visit another auntie over there. and she asked to sponsor her $300 for the air fare. lols, how i really wished to go as well, but i'm really financially tight. what to do. hais.
anw, after all these months out here in the workforce, i have finally realised how treacherous and selfish people can be. seems like everyone is so hungry yearning for authority, and they can do whatever they want to get to their own advantage. hais, so much of office politics and stuffs. what can i do now but just to accept my own fate. felt really letdown, i mean people whom you thought could be close to you, are afterall hurting you the most. no one knows but in actual fact, i'm distress and somehow hurt. somehow i gotta rely on my friends for some mental support. thanks so much to feeli, yenyee, shaoling, katty, candice and lisi. they're my superb buddies. anw, i love them loads. (:
oh ya, all i wanted to say, stand up for unequal treatment! boo. i realise somehow i am like still having those kind of supremacy mindset and mentality. must be the aftermath of redcross. somehow i feel that once people takes over controls or authority, they tend to misuse it. likewise for the working environment. duh, i don't know, somehow, maybe, perhaps.

2007-03-06T17:58:00.000+08:00

ANOTHER RANDOM ONE.
whee, been such a long time since i last updated. hoho, been almost a month or so alr. anw, to conclude february, i spent my CNY in taiwan for tour leading and after that, to amadeus training course two three days after i got back from taiwan, and also redang island for a familiarisation trip immediately after my course. afterall, i have worked for less than 15 days for the whole of february including off days. and all that i wanna say, i am dead beat after all those travellings.
i miss my grandma and the old house back in kahang. feel so much wanting to go back during the qing ming festival, but am wondering if my leave can get approved or not. anw, i miss home v much. lols.
alright, am going to register for the iata-ufta course tml alr. i feeling kind of thrilled, in the sense that it's a stepping stone or platform for me to go into the operations department, or rather away from counter duties. i just wanna get myself upgraded and improved, not someone happily satisfied with an o level cert and a lowly paid job. i somehow want to change another working environment, or perhaps a job scope. anw, am turning eighteen this year finally. i want to do something or everything of my own accord, not fulfilling wishes of the others. as in if not for the sake of father, i think i would be in kuala lumpur now alr. what to do, hais. i feel so lost that other time, didn't knew that things could go so badly wrong. guess i'm still brooding over the past. hais. anw, i promised to be more thrifty, trying v hard to, and to cut down on all my night entertainments. lols.

2007-02-06T10:59:00.000+08:00

random, random, random.
whoo, it's been a whooping two weeks plus since i've last updated. anw, life's still as usual. duh. been feeling ultra bored at work these few days, with lesser and lesser phone calls each day, fewer and fewer walk-in customers as well, time at work seems to pass slower and slower everyday, hence it's somehow a little torturing to go work nowadays. well, i don't really wanna care anymore. i just want to and i will, want to do my part and that's it. so much for being a kind soul indeed.
what keeps me moving and hanging at the moment is just all about income, as in i need to money to survive. i wanna go study in that air ticketing as much as i wanted to go study nursing in the past. it's like when you're in it, you don't want to get out anymore. somehow addictive but yet motivating. it's been really too much for me to take it since people around you are all putting those hurtful and negative comments on you. i wanna be someone great i hope. yes, i mean it. how nice if you yourself are the owner of a big corporation, commanding people here and there at your own will. being an employer is and definitely is, better than being an employee. well, at least being a highly paid employee is better thou. after all those months out there in the workforce, especially since i'm in the travel trade industry, i've encountered people from all walks of life. just realised that there could be so much triggering factors that could lead to conflicts and more conflicts. some people are just as superficial and pretentious, some are just hungry for power. i don't know, it's really too much. it's either i take it or be defeated by the harsh reality.
i'm defeated for sure.
anw, put those sad things aside, i'm going taiwan on the fifteen of february. oleh. i am going for tour leading on the fifteen to twenty first of february. whee, and yes. i will be spending my first chinese new year overseas without my families around. i don't know if this is a wise decision or not. i mean i have chosen to go on a tour instead of celebrating the festive season with my families. i have not been back into my hometown for almost a year alr. just pray that i have ample time to go back home to visit granny during the next hols. and oh yeah, i am going to desaru this coming saturday for another short retreat as well. (:

2007-01-14T12:19:00.000+08:00

DESPISED AT OR
PLAIN DISCRIMINATION?
alright, been v long since i last update my blog. lols, this is gonna be a random post i guess. been feeling as bland as usual. nothing exciting or appealing did happened to me. well. just to round things up, i've decided to take up that iata-uftaa travel and tourism diploma course provided by the tourism management institute of singapore. whee. am looking forward to it. it's supposed to be a six to eight months course kind of thing. hoho. i really really am eager to go back to school. i mean like i got somehow being scorned at or whatsoever by the others. i shan't mention names. but i got pretty pissed and depressed when i'm being labelled as that no diploma, no future, no hope, useless or whatever kind of names. i felt seriously hurt but that somehow serves as a motivation as well. it pushes me and makes me wanting to keep upgrading myself. the aunties of mine came over to my place for usual weekly majongs session. and one of them commented me like: you're not studying already ah? and continuously commenting those unsupportive, discouraging and negative comments on me. i have enough already. i own my life and i live the way i wanted it to be.as long as i'm earning money, enough to feed myself and a little left to spare for my family i will be contented. i hate it when they keep on comparing me to another cousin of mine, who is one year my junior. they are like saying, see see, he got that eagles and whatever others awards and i don't, he performs well in his cca and i don't, he do this and that and i'm practically not his match or what. i just feel so so so ____. no words could describe how i felt. absolute no one in the teys just realise waht i've been through my school lifes. whatever glories or shames i may have in school, they just didn't know. with a can't be bothered family, i may have total freedom, absolute no controls or curfews, but i'm actually v lonely on the inside of me.
anw, am meeting up with the seven in ones on tuesday to celebrate yenyee's eighteenth birthday. lols. miss all the darlings, miss all those crazy laughters and fun. hoho, talking about birthdays, i'm seriously looking forward to my own eighteenth birthday as well. as in there's finally so much i want and legally of age to do. example like to go for a m-eighteen movie openly (i mean those sexual movies and stuffs.), signing up for certain gym memberships (oh, i'd really love to do that, i wanna keep fit.), go clubbing without any fears to be checked (thou' i havent really stepped in into any). alright, i admit i'm a little silly and naive here, but that's just weiyoung. hoho. (:
just realised that it's been almost a year since i went back to hometown. i missed everything and everyone there. oh well, i'm in a dilemma. as in there maybe a opportunity for me to go on a tour leading trip to taiwan on the fifteen of february and back on the twenty first. somehow a part of me wants to go for that taiwan trip but another part of me wants to go back to my hometown. i miss granny. hais. well, let's take a step and see a step. (direct chinese translation) (:

2007-01-08T12:29:00.000+08:00

a brand new year, a brand new start.
hoho, i'm feeling so excited. oleh. and somehow i wanted a new start & new beginning. plus, i'm looking forward to september 2007. whee, am turning eighteen finally. hoho. there's so much i really want to do in this new year. upon looking back, somehow i realise i didn't achieve or gain much as before. i promise myself to work doubly hard this time round and i want to make a name of myself. i think and aim big, and i can because i think and i know i can. lols. rhyming words. somehow the others are right about what i should do, since i've already started in this travel line, i should have continue my studies relating to my profession. i want to do diploma in air ticketing, but i'm still pondering. as in i doubt whether this job will be secured, in long term wise. well, i'm still in a dilemma.
god is being v fair, i supposed. look at all those people surrounding you, they have big cars, big houses and they own almost everything in the world. it's so irony and contradicting when you in turn look at yourself, being penniless and have nothing to your own except your name. i mean i'm okay w the fact that everyone leads their own life, plus no one own us a living. but it's the cruel reality that i loathes to see. as in, i feel so much jealous and envious of the rest who enjoyed better life than me, perhaps i should really reflect upon my own actions and only then i will see things in a different perspective.
alright, met up w the seven in ones for dinner last friday and went for a mini shopping spree. bought a zara man tee and a puma jacket for myself, hoho. cost me a bloody two hundred bucks for all that. anw, i did something sinful yesterday i guess, yep. ultra sinful, but at least i met someone who i'm happy with. well. (:

2006-12-31T20:29:00.000+08:00

LAST ENTRY OF THE YEAR!

oleh oleh. happy 2007 everyone!
hahas. (:
whee, am going KBOX w the rest later on. whoo.
another couple more hours to the new year. yeahs!
anw, to be honest, there's nothing really special about this new year countdown thingy. i mean, it's like any other day wad, just that we begin from january all over again. i'm not looking forward thou, as in i realised i didn't achieve much for the whole of 2006. disappointing right. ):
hoho, it's going to be low season for the travel line alr. and i'm beginning to have the 10am to 6pm shift alr. oleh, and there's so so much i wanted to do. i want to go shop til i drop (again, as usual), i wanna go eat buffet lunch and dinner til i got twice the size of what i am now, i wanna go donate blood, i wanna do this and that!! whoo. oh yah, and i've yet to go solo-travelling as i've always wanted to. hoho.
well, HAPPY NEW YEAR! (:

各位，黑皮牛液!

2006-12-29T14:01:00.000+08:00

TO BE OR NOT TO BE. (again)
alright, i'm pretty sure what i want now. and i've tendered my ~~resignation~~ alr. i just couldn't take it any longer, i'm not worthy for the job i guess. as in this really isn't my cup of tea lah. i hate working in irregular hours, i hate this yucky company, i hate everything. i don't wanna care anymore, i just felt so hurt on the inside of me, but seems like no one bothers or what. well, fine. i can't help but to cry to myself, upon looking thru my o levels result, i felt a sense of guilt. afterall, i'm the one to be blamed for all these. hais. like what they say, no one owe you a living in this world, not even your parents. their roles are to only bring you up, until you're capable enough to take care of yourself. alright, that's nothing much i can do now. what i want is just a long break back home in february until chinese new year. i want and i need a break. i'm feeling seriously down recently and, yeahs. i wanted so much to be back in school and be a student. mother says that she really can't afford my education any further, she wants me to be financial dependent of myself. i've been trying to be v brave alr, upon putting up w all those fake smiles and really stupid lies, but does anyone out there who can sympathise w me and understand the amount of pain i'm taking in all these months? i'm not ready for the working life yet, oh well. you may say i'm being too ~~immature~~ or what, but that's just me ah. i can't take it alr, can you? i'm in a dilemma right now, with no qualifications, no aims, no targets and nowhere to head towards to, i'm in a loss. somehow i'm jealous of the others, at least they got themselves enrolled in a school, at least they may have a better prospect than me, at least at least. i just wanna be myself.
to make the matter worst, i'm just a foreigner, there's little i can do. i can't put myself to face this horrible, cruel reality. anw, put those unahppy things aside, a mere two more days to new year, and another one more month to holidays. woah, i'm really looking forward to february. (:
hoho, meeting up w the seven in one again on new year's eve. whee.

2006-12-25T14:09:00.000+08:00

ferry fristmas!
hohoho. merry christmas & a happy new year. whee. i had hell loads of fun on both the day before christmas eve and on the eve itself. oleh. was off on the 23rd and got the chance to meet up the 7in1s. thou' only 5 of us were present, but it's wonderful lah, and we took fotos like mad, hoho.

our group foto. oleh.

well, met up w feeli early in the morning (eh, not so early lah, met at 3pm) and went for a haircut at chapter 2. hoho, and my colleagues actually commented that my new haircut is kind of funny and i looked like ah wang, in that life made simpler hongkong drama. after that did some really v last minute christmas presents shopping. it's more or less a makan getaway rather than a supposedly christmas outing. we eat and eat and, eat. we ate at sakae, pizza hut and xingwang restaurant all in just a day. hoho. and we really did all enjoyed ourselves, it was a splendid night indeed. hopefully we're all able to meet all more often as before. well, hopefully. (:

and oh, i have the most tiring christmas in the entire of my 17 years. been working since 6am in the morning and went back home at around 4.30am on christmas day. hahas. went out for movies after that and met up with mother at cathay. alright, eragon was nice but the curse of the golden flower was like, kah-nah-sai lah. don't know why, perhaps i just couldn't get the whole idea and message from what the producer wanted to portray to us. the whole storyline is kind of ridiculous and not down-to-earth lah. the whole production must be wasting a lot of monies i guess. and also one gotta have big boobies to order to get into the production, i mean for females. lols, all female actresses in the movie are all dressed until like their boobs all gonna burst out like that. it's just not worth it lah, people out there who have not watch this show or intending to go, please, spend your money on something else instead. hoho. no offence to anyone who supports this movie, very unlikely though. hahas.

2006-12-19T11:12:00.000+08:00

TO BE OR NOT TO BE.
it's such a tough decision, should i or shouldn't i. i don't really wanna care about it anymore, i just feel that leaving is somehow a better choice, i mean to change for the better. i'm simply not really into this job, in the sense that having irregular working hours and doing counter duties ain't my cup of tea lah, somehow i'm want a change. i know i can't have this job long term. well, i gotta change my job seriously. i've been thinking whether to tender right now or not. i just hope to have a long break back in kahang before chinese new year, after which then come back to work and study in singapore. it's such a difficult choice to be made. i'm still young and stuffs like that, it's like so frustrating to hear this all day long. somehow i felt deprived of certains benefits and opportunities which i rightfully should enjoy being a staff in this company. if not for the sake of money, i wouldn't have been stucked here in this office right now. well well well, i shall just proceed to find another office job, perhaps a marketing executive or something like that, since i'm still taking the marketing and communications course. or should i just resign, and look for another job and at the mean time continue my course? aww, i'm still pondering. do i really have a choice?
i've yet to tell my parents about this yet. i'm pretty sure daddy would strongly oppose to this, like the way he did early this year. i wanna go back to school. yes, i really want to. i'm gonna email to ica and tell them about my state, if their reply on studying full time and working part time is feasible, i'd immediately apply for it, and i'll be elated of course. ):
mmm, those peeps must be having hell loads of fun right now, such a pity i'm unable to join them. am supposed to have a primary school gathering w our ex-form teachers today at noon time, and again because of work, i'm unable to make myself available.
whee, i'm having my ten to six pm shift tomorrow and thursday, oleh. i'm meeting felicia and the rest for christmas shoppings and dinner. whee. has been such a seriously long time since we last meet up, and i'm looking forward to it. oleh.
been looking through myself lately, starting from as early as i can still remember. i'm really thankful enough for my parents, who slogged their lifes out just to support my schooling and big spending. but somehow i blame them for bringing me into singapore. throughout the years, i've learn to be much more independent. especially when i'm just the only child, and used to be alone since young. it's v saddening to see me not achieving anything at this stage of life. in the sense like i've got no savings, no academic breakthrough, no nothing, no future. and alright, i wanna be somebody, i wanna be someone great. and yes, i believe i can. hopefully so. (:
hoho, i'm sure right now, i'm tendering this few days for sure.

2006-12-15T13:25:00.000+08:00

THIS FEELING I NEVER FELT BEFORE.
it's the fifteenth of december, and just another mere sixteen more days before we bid farewell to 2006. i somehow start to feel so lost and full of shame, cause i begin to realise that i've achieved nothing for the whole of this year, at least as of now. i got so fed up with myself every night and day when i go for bed and wake up respectively, when i realise that i've absolute no goals or targets to work toward to in my future. thus, the word future in my mind remains still as an ambiguous term to me. it seems as though i have to really stick to this working lifestyle for years to come, being working full time and studying part time. i have just realise that the immigration's decision on permitting full time foreign students working part time is just another fantasy and hopeful thinking of mine, that isn't a fact nor reality. come to think of it, it ain't a bad idea to work full time and study part time anyway. it's kind of tiring and time consuming though.
anw, i don't wanna care anymore. i just wanna do my part and that's all. lols.
hold and behold, saturday is coming, oleh. i wanna do more and more shoppings, especially when christmas is around the corner, and hey, and more movies outing. whee. i've got so much to shop for but little to spare. my christmas wishes are a new crumpler bag, a new hair cut, a pair of new levi's, a new shoes, a new specky, a trip back home, a confirmed trip to shanghai w mommy. oleh oleh. i'm looking forward to christmas, thou' i'm working on christmas eve and the actual day. whee.
alright, i'm somehow envious of those couples out there, i mean like at least they have someone out there for them in times of need, or someone to turn to. i just feel somehow very lonely at times, especially when you're all alone walking home, or alone at home watching tv. it's like so empty and cold in the heart. well, as of now, period.
aww, i'm shagged. feeling so figging sleepy now. gonna work from 5am to 10pm for both today and tomorrow. goshes. luckily i'm off this sunday, and i'm gonna sleep the whole day to put up with the loss of sleep this two days. whee.
i did went through some soul searching yesterday night, and i've realised that none of my life objectives have been reached or being worked towards at. i really don't know if i should remain this way, to work full time and study part time. i guess that's the only alternative left. thou' i'd certainly loved to go back to school, mixing around with people of my age. working at my age now at this moment isn't right for me, i thought so. whenever i saw my friends at my working place, i got somehow embarrassed and stuffs like that. they'll be like saying, "eh, you work here ah? not studying meh?" that kind of thing. and i'm like oh shit, stop asking these questions. goshes, i'm being despised at somehow upon hearing this. it's kind of hurtful anw. -shakes my head-
well, i shall continue my mass comm. studies next year when the new term starts. and i promise to finish the whole diploma course as soon as possible, provided i can still afford it. whee, i'm going for a shanghai trip w mommy either next january or march, thou' it's still not confirm yet. (mommy is still thinking about it) we wanna go visit my fourth aunt who's attached there for work long term. oleh.
oh yah, i'm meeting my seven-in-one peeps for christmas celebration next saturday, whoo. been so so long since i've met them already. and oh, i've been inked on my inner right ankle! yipee. thou' there's nothing much to be proud of, but then i'm daring enough to do it. whee, i'm thrilled and am addicted to have more. hoho.
okays, i think that should be enough, that's all folks. (:

2006-12-08T20:50:00.000+08:00

DEPRESSED!
alright, i'm kind of depressed nowadays, for no apparent reasons thou. i'm feeling so frigging stressed up at work, being scolded for certain careless and stupid mistakes. i'm feeling so guilty all of a sudden and begin to realise that this job is certainly not my cup of tea. i wanted so much to tender now and leave this cruel working society once and for all. i just hope that i could go back to school, mixing with people of my own age. i got so fed up and am sick of going to work every morning, i dread going to work seriously. but, sadly i got to take everything to my stride. i'm still having my doubts whether i can work part time and study full time at the same time. it somehow thrills me at the thought of going back to school. oh, whatever. i'm stucked at this moment where no work means no money to me, and no money means no school as well. anw, i'm going ica next week to enquiry more about work permit and student pass. goshes. i feel so weird on the inside of me, and feel somehow feel like breaking down, as thou i do not belong to this world and no one does understand me. do i really have to do this? working full time and study part time all along? i don't want this kind of life, plus it's tiring. i really really hope that time could turn back in time, where what i should be worried about is only homeworks. omg, i'm feeling so terrible.
i'm somehow missing hometown much more than before lately, afterall, mom and dad did ask me to go with them for like three days two nights the previous week. but i can't make it since i've my own work committment. hais.

2006-12-03T18:12:00.000+08:00

WHAT A DAY!
alright, i'm feeling somehow a little afraid and yet looking forward to it. i'm so sure but yet not so. it's tempting me and i've been thinking about it all day long. what am i supposed to do? i'm feeling so frustrated out of a sudden, with myself and people all around me. goodness gracious me.
i feel so lerthargic and am sick of being tied up by work. it's just a mere two working days in golden mile and i've done almost twenty hours of overtime. i really hope to have more quality time to spend with my family. it's seems as though everyone's life are all sold to the company, dedicating our life and time to them, never in my life where i felt so much like a slave, slogging my guts out just to earn a mere thousand five or less a month. i truly understand how every parents felt when they say, "you won't understand how hard it is to earn money" until me myself actually stepped out of my comfort zone and walked into this harsh working society. i'm feeding myself for the past six months with my hard earned monies, plus a little bit of treats to neighbouring countries here and there. i've learn so much out there, things i will never be able to experience from in school. it took me so much courage to take a tiny winy step out of my really comfortable's comfort zone, and poof. just a blink of eye and i'm out working for half a year. and all my friends are out there happily studying and upgrading themselves when i'm not moving on at all. i feel so much shame in me. i aim high, but i do not work towards it. i'm beginning to lose hope already, there's so much i wanted to do, but so little i do for myself. i got so bothered every night when the day ends. there's just plentiful of worries and questions i got to ponder over before i go to bed. and i realise my own target doesn't seems to be reasonable and workable. it's time for me to reflect upon my own actions i've done so far.
alright, i gotta declare, i'm still bothered by the thought of going nursing or going straight at mass comm. first, i doubt studying nursing full time and working part time as a whole, i suppose it's not allowed if i'm holding a student pass, next, i doubt my abilities into getting in a nursing course. am i really done for it? goodness. i sucks at everything, ain't i correct? hooha, i'm gonna try my luck at the ica in the later part of the month.
i've got so much to blog about, but i can't think of any to blog about when i get down to the keyboard. that's all for now, period.

2006-11-24T09:23:00.000+08:00

messed up.
alright, i ~~really really promise~~ to blog actively from now onwards. lols. just that things got rather tied up here at work and i've no absolute time for blogging. hahas. anw, just another week more before i'm being transferred back to golden mile. hoho. (:
things could be better, i thought. nevertheless did i realise that trust and relationship among people could be such a vulnerable and crucial factor which could end up in disasters. i just realised that things could go horribly wrong especially when you ain't aware of the situations happening / surrounding you.
alright, i met up with my primary schoolmates on my previous off day last sunday. it's supposed to be a me and felicia getaway kind of thing, but in the lyon called up the rest of us for an impromtu meeting. it's kind of nice and pretty exciting when it's been like 5 years or so since we last met up. lols. i thought we'd bevery quiet, not talking much like before. budden it seems as though there isn't any barrier among us and we chatted like there's no tomorrow. hahas. i'm looking forward to another gathering soon. (:
whee, mommy went back to malaysia yesterday morning, and she'll be away for at least a week or so. goshes, i wanna go back too. hoho, i want to go!!!
alright, nothing more to blog about already. my brain cells are all depleted. :p

2006-11-17T16:37:00.000+08:00

SUPERFICIAL-NESS.
alright. i'm going to blog actively from now on i promise. lols. things has been going smoothly here at people's park. nothing huge or surprisingly shocking did happen here. just a few moments of sorrows and bitterness of unhumane acts upon certain people. though not exactly true, but that's the fact. i'm not so sure about office politics, nevertheless did i knew that it could be so dramatic to the extent that the closest one to you in life could be the one hurting you so much. i'm losing hope somehow towards this company to a certain extent. but who cares. as if everyone's as sympathetic, these people are just as superficial and fake. they will go through means and ways to get to power. i don't wanna be involved, hence i'm leaving this company for good soon.
i just feel so awful these few days. i don't know why but i happened to meet my ex-class/schoolmates and teachers these few days, without any prior notice of course. some of them who knew me didn't even bother to greet me or something or the similar. i somehow seem transparent to them. what's wrong with acknowledging by just a smile or something. i'm kind of hurt and feel sort of being depised at. it shucks okays. i don't give it a damn.
just another two more weeks before i'm being transferred back to golden mile. there isn't any chances for me to work overtime here at people's park. no overtime means no overtime pay, no overtime pay means no income. no income means no money!!! lols.
i've got so much things i wanted to do recently, i wanna get myself a tiny-winy little tattoo or something, i wanna get a new backpack, i wanna go holidays with mommy, i wanna have a new phone, i wanna shop til my wallet burst, i wanna watch movies til my eyes get blinded, i wanna do this and do that. so so so much but little time to spare.
gone are the days where i'm free to things at my own will. i'm somehow being conquered by the surroundings. i miss my friends so much and that we even have to readjust our schedule in order to meet up for a couple of hours or so, just because everyone got so tied up with their little work here and there. goshes.

2006-11-10T10:59:00.000+08:00

whee.
alright. it's my number tenth day here at people's park. lols. anw. blogg-ed. (:

2006-10-28T17:14:00.000+08:00

I KNEW IT, IT'S ME !
goodness. i'm being transferred to the people's park branch in november. goshes. the so called training and stuffs like that. anw. it's for only a month. hoho. it shucks. ): okays. i'm going to save up for all my forthcoming holidays trip. whee. i wanna go so many places. cool eh. whee. go on a bag pack travel to cambodia, vietnam and laos. lols. it's cool yeahs. it's kind of challenging and yet exciting plus budget. you get to save lots of money and learn more about their rich cultures and traditions while on a low cost travel. whee. i've been splurging too much unnecessarily i know, but it's like the innate nature of me. can't help it but gotta change it.
i miss school all of a sudden. as in i miss bendemeer. everything just passes by so quickly. one moment you are still studying and another moment you are in the work force already. just two more months before we bid farewell to 2006. i'm feeling so left out and neglected. i miss those after school outings with friends. and things ain't the same as before now. we seldom meet up and i somehow feel that something is lacking out there. our bonds aren't as bonded as before, we talk less, meet up lesser, and of course. friendship gradually become blands. i hate to say this, but that's the cruel reality behind everything. or maybe it's because of me. i don't know.
hoho, i'm going to watch the sinking of japan tonight with apple, ashley, beechen, christal, sandy and siewchin. lols. perhaps this is the last time i'm going for movie outing with them ler. goshes. i gotta adapt to new colleagues, new environment in november. i hate it. shuck it. ):
anw, i'm still looking forward to nursing. oleh. can only register in december. hoho. (:
and ho!!! i miss my hometown out of the sudden. i miss the old house where all direct and extended relatives of ours gathered around during new year. i miss those atmosphere. how nice if time could turn back and things would turn otherwise. i miss those old motorbikes racing around without helmet on the street, i miss those mamak stall in the roadside, i miss those bumpy road journey, i miss grandma. why didn't i grew up there where i rightfully belong to.
now then i know, boredom really kills. i'm feeling ultra duper sleepy right now. i wanna rest. phew.
am planning for a solo trip to either cambodia or vietnam in early january next year, not too sure yet. still deciding. whee. another 5 more hours to knock off and time passes damn slow. goodness gracious me.
been feeling high and low today, for no obvious reasons. i don't know why but it kinda disturb me somehow. alright. anw, today's my last fourth day in gunung gmc. gotta go to ppx next week. and hais. what to do. i do not have any choice. )':

2006-10-27T13:52:00.000+08:00

HOLD ON TO ME, AND RUN WITH THE WIND
alright. i got that catchy heading from feeli's msn nick. hoho. copyright i know. (:
i'm seeing things much more of a stressful chore rather than enjoying it. i'm sure i'll be breaking down sooner or later. why can't we have 30 hours per day instead of 24? why can't we have 100 minutes in a hour rather than just 60? why can't we control time ourselves? i mean i really hope to have much more time, though it maybe just a mere one hour or so. i so much want to have more quality time to spend with my family. it's been like just wake up, alone in the living room, go work, slog your guts out, go home, bath, alone again, sleep and the same thing just repeats itself. so shucks. i just gotta be strong i guess. another 2 more months and i'll proceed back to my schooling life. freaking good. hoho, two more months.
and oh, i think i'm falling ill soon for sure. weather has been harsh and fatigue is taking its toil on me. plus those late night sleeping and meals skipping, i'm falling sick very soon. i mean very soon.
goshes. there's so much things i wanna do at one time.so much so that i don't know what to begin with. my mind is full of thoughts, both nonsensical and reasonable ones. i wanna be this and i wanna be that, i want this and i want that. i wanna do so much things all at once tetapi time is very limited. what to do. i'm in a dilemma.
alright, i think i gotta learn to manage time and money wisely. as in everything of me are being take cared of since young, and since i'm out in the working society already, i think there's a urgent need for me to manage my financial and time more purposefully. luckily mother's going to open a new joint-account with me. that may kind of force and encourage me to save money. lols. i've been splurging too much but i somehow didn't realise that.
hoho, a couple of months more only. whee. i gotta endure.
whee, deathnote is nice okays. it's a die die also must watch kind of thing. (: and we are going to watch the sinking of japan tomorrow. oleh. goshes. i've been spending too much i know. no more shopping and eating spree, no more late nights movies outings and no more splurging. cool huh. just work and work non stop. (: so as to save more money. oleh.

2006-10-25T18:40:00.000+08:00

the ~~very~~ ambitious me.
alright. i'm not being myself lately. i just feel so down and depressed at times when i shoudn't be. i'm losing the momentum, i'm losing the will power. i just somehow feel that something is lacking out there. things ain't the same as before now and i'm not used to it. i'm still trying to adapt to this new environment exposed to me. whatever it is. i gotta move on i know. i don't wanna be stucked here at this stage when people all around you are progressing. keep my fingers crossed, i'm gonna apply for nyp and np's nursing again thru' that jpsae or dae again next year. things would be better i guess. well, hopefully. if not, i will be in the same school as yenyee and retaking my combined science again. shucks. if i didn't runaway back to kahang during the posting period, i'd be happily studying right now. yeahs, if things ain't the same like now, things would be definitely better. goshes. pray hard that i can really really get into nursing. hopefully.
and phew. i pon work for twice this month. i don't really mean to but no choice ah. (:
oh yes. i'm craving for both a new crumpler baggie plus a new spectacles. whoo.
gatherings and more gatherings!!!
oleh.

2006-10-21T15:32:00.000+08:00

whee. it's my life.
alright, i'm kind of tired and dead beat. been having too much late nights out and i'm seriously and desperately deprived of sleep. anyway, i'm feeling very bright today, for no apparent reasons but i feel so much relaxed and forward looking somehow. probably it's because my blackheads are all removed by the very costly facial or perhaps it's because i've gotten both of my debit cards. lols.
just somehow, i feel so much wanting to be in love. don't know why but it just feel great to be in love. as in life would be of much more fun when you found a partner for yourself, with someone to share joys and sorrows with, with someone who can willingly spare time with you, with someone by your side when you need them and many more. i maybe feeling naive and immature but i think it's really nice to be in a relationship. it'll be like you are no longer in a loner world kind of thing. yep, great.
anyway, i'm looking forward to the end of two zero zero six. i wanna start my nursing studies as soon as possible. i can't wait to be one and i'm gonna work towards it. whee. holah. (:
alright, i'm getting really very sick and tired of this working life already. though i really like the job scope even though the pay is kind of little. the working hours are stressing me. i need more rest seriously. i'm very very tired.

do you ever feel like breaking down
do you ever feel out of place
like somehow you just don't belong
no one understands you
do you ever wanna run away
do you lock yourself in your room
with your radio on turned up so loud
that no one hears you screaming

no you don't know what it's like
when nothing feels alright
you don't know what it's like to be like me

to be ~~hurt~~
to feel lost
to be left out in the dark
to be kicked when you're down
to feel like you've been pushed around
to be on the edge of breaking down
and no one's there to save you
no you don't know what it's like
welcome to my life

do you wanna be somebody else
are you sick of feeling so left out
are you desperate to find something more
before your life ~~is over~~
are you stuck inside a world you hate
are you sick of everyone around
with their big fake smiles and stupid lies
while deep inside you're bleeding...
(simple plan, welcome to my life, still not getting any...)

somehow i feel that this song perfectly depicts the kind of life i'm leading right now.
i somehow realise that i'm been such a fool upon looking back what i've done so far. i should be brave enough to face up to the reality. i shouldn't have run away back to malaysia and not choosing any courses for the jae. i shouldn't have done this and that. it's all too late i know. i gotta move on. i still wanna be somebody.

happy deeparaya!

2006-10-18T22:30:00.000+08:00

the urge to.
just a sudden, i've got the urge to do so much things at one go right now. i wanna prove myself so much. i want to show the world i can and i mean it. i don't wanna be somebody who just talk and do nothing. i'm having strong will-power now and i really mean it.
life is still the same as usual, as monotonous and stereotype as before. i felt so stressed up being screwed at by people surrounding you. it's way too fast for me to catch a breathe. it's all over when you don't even have a chance to take a glimpse of it. goshes. i'm feeling kind of low lately and i need some potential help. i'm hometown-sick, friendship-sick, family-sick, sleep-sick, eat-sick, somehow a little love-sick, and school-sick. i miss so many things right here right now. especially so when i happen to be reminded of the past by those not-so-fond memories cum objects of the past. wouldn't it be nice if i'm still studying right now, happily going off to school every monday to friday or staying back in the school for a little while or loiter around the neighbourhood with your cliques after school. i just miss the olden days.
i've got so much in my head to blog about, but somehow my brain malfunction when i get down to the keyboard. duh. speechless.
i'm getting and clutching on to life with foul mood everyday. i happened to be a little bad-tempered day and night, with no apparent reasons. it's just me. i sucks i know.

2006-10-17T13:06:00.000+08:00

whee.
oleh oleh. i'm elated. whee. don't know why but i'm feeling rather better now as compared to the past. somehow so much things happened these few days. first, i managed to clear all my outstanding debts. then my mom won twice in the lottery, plus i tell my mom about my decision on going back into nursing next year already. moreover, it's only around two months away only. i'm really looking forward to it. oleh.
hoho, and she decided to open a new joint-account with me, just to save for the rainy days. hahas.
anw, i'm still awaiting for my capital debit card to be mailed to me. hoho. (:
i don't know why, but i'm really looking forward to life lately, i'm feeling afresh and bright. apart from the haze of course, it irritates my eyes seriously. ~~air pollution.~~
oh, i'm craving for a new big crumpler messenger bag. oleh. any sponsors or something? *saliva dripping*
aww, come to think of it, i've been out into the working society for almost half a year already. how i miss school and my friends. hais. there's this time where i happen to pop into one of my fellow peer's blog. and i realise that i actually do miss redcross but i happen not to have time for it. i wanted so much to be part of it but it just didn't show. everytime when i pass by boon keng, it just somehow remind me of my primary and secondary school life. i miss everything and everyone. plus, if time can go back, if, i would definitely choose to be grow up in malaysia. i want to be a child with colourful childhoods, not some child growing up in concrete jungles. i want to be a kampong boy. yes. (:
reminiscing.
and oh, my mom want me to volunteer for singapore national service, so as to be a singapore permanent citizen. and duh. please. i wouldn't want to of course. (:

2006-10-13T19:28:00.000+08:00

goshes.

alright, i'm lost.
i'm having mixed feelings.
should i or i shouldn't, i don't know.
i need to be enlightened somehow.
anyway, i've made up my mind already. i want nursing so much, it's like such a saintly job somehow. plus, i'd be most delighted to work in a hospital environment. don't ask me why. i just love it. hahas. and yeahs, i've yet to declare this decision officially to people around me. i guess i'd be getting more negative feedbacks than supportive comments. i want to prove myself that much. please believe me. yes, being a nurse is like somehow an ambition of mine since secondary school. as in i'm kind of sensitive to matters where people starts to comment about you like, "you think he will really do it meh?", "he will surely change his mind later on one", "he sure not serious one larr" or "he cannot do it one" that kind of thing. i hate it when people all give you negative comments. i mean like it's so disappointing and demoralising okay. and these come from people around / closer to you. it's just like the past when this particular person tell me that i won't be the school redcross chairman and things like that. in the end i still managed to prove it to her, i can. the more people wanna pull me down, the more i will work harder to prove it to them. whee. i can okay.
alright, what bothers me the most now is that i need to find a local sponsor for my full time studies next year. and yeahs, i still can't believe i'm doing this. hais, what to do. things already evolved into this situation already, i just gotta be strong and brave through all this. i need supports and more positive comments. i need it so badly. yes.
oh ya, i'm broke and i'm craving for a new big crumpler messenger bag. hahas. alright. ignore me please. (:

2006-10-12T14:59:00.000+08:00

back from cruise.
i'm back!!!
whee. i'm shagged. whoo. both energy drained, and my pockets too. spend a hell lot of a thousand bucks for this whole trip. shucks. this is the first time in my entire life where i really dare and actually did spend so much in just a mere four days. lols. anyway, i truly have enjoyed myself for the whole trip. hahas.
basically, it's more to a relaxing cum shopping tour for me. for the first day, we met at around twelve noon at harbourfront, then waited for like an hour to check in. we booked for a inside stateroom cabin initially, but then we were somehow tempted to upgrade to a bigger room with window. and hold and behold, all cabins were full, so cannot upgrade and gotta remain at the inside stateroom. lols. and cool, meals onboard are like dining in a five stars hotel like that, people keep on serving you and you can ask for more. whee. the facilities there are super duper nice as well. oleh. in total, i spend like four hundred for the shoppings at penang and phuket, two hundred for gifts and photos onboard, four hundred and thirty for the tour fare. and wow, i love shopping. hahas.
i got myself four tee shirts, a berms, a pants, a handbag for mommy, a wallet for daddy, a flip flop for mommy and three puma shoulder bags for my friends. whee. (this is only part of it)
alright, shall post my fotos next time. lah lah lah.
anyway, i've made up my mind. i want to go nursing! all you people out there please raise both your hands (and feets) up to support me. whoo. i wanna study full time next year and work part time. oleh. i'm looking forward to it already, and hope i won't give up half way. yeahs, i have yet to mention this to my parents, but i already made up my mind, nothing is gonna make me change my mind. hoho. whee. oleh. nursing, here i come. whee. (:

2006-10-07T22:48:00.000+08:00

whee.
i'm on hiatus. another couple of hours more to cruising. oleh.
will be back on wednesday. hoho. (:
oh yeahs. i'll miss everyone. woohoo.

and yeahs. did i ever mention, i'm stucked at the thought still on whether to turn back and take up nursing next year. yipee. i don't know. advices anyone?

2006-10-03T17:06:00.000+08:00

fuming mad.
i'm fuming mad about myself, oh yes. i'm feeling so guilty as well.
goshes. i'm feeling numb all over me, plus i'm dead virtually.
alright, nothing to blog about.
anyway, i'm damn shagged, been having late nights sleeping recently. and i'm totally broke. shuck.
just another five more days to cruising. oleh.
i don't know why, but i'm having the wei young-is-not-feeling-well symptoms again. freaking good. well, i've got nothing much to say already. i miss everything and everyone.
how nice if things could turn back in time, where i'll definitely put pause and let things take its course slowly. oh well, at this point of time, there is no more turning back now. i guess what i need now most importantly is rest and courage, i wanna move on, i wanna be somebody. yes, that's for sure. please give me courage and yeahs, more courage please.
i'm in a dilemma still, will i still be stuck working like now next year? i keep telling myself to complete my mass comm. certificate at the minimum, but i really don't know what to do. i'm in a loss and in a state of confusion. perhaps i'm being too silly and foolish. and of course, i'm still being too immature in my thinkings. oh well, i gotta accept my fate, i deserve what i'm getting right now. i should take responsible and pride in whatever i do. i will and i will keep trying to.
i'm losing the will to work towards my goals and targets. too much of factors are pulling me behind. i need help. goodness gracious me.

2006-10-02T20:14:00.000+08:00

moodless.
yes, i'm a year older. as usual, i've got nothing much to blog about. feeling ultra down. i don't know why, but i'm despising myself more and more nowadays. i'm getting more self-conscious and am wary of the surroundings. i did something wrong, and i'm sorry for it. i don't know why. but somehow i just felt so stupid and foolish. and yeahs. i'm very very disappointed.
i somehow feel so insignificant to the world. or rather so unimportant. i'm still childish and immature. but what-to-so. i hate to give excuses but i have to say it, i'm still young and inexperienced. i need more time to get to adapt to the surroundings. so much for being a kind soul, where people just mistook you for something else. the feeling of being misunderstood is extremely hard and harsh. i feel so hurt on the inside. i seem so dead and lifeless. i'm just dead virtually.
i'm depressed, disappointed and rejected. the so-called birthday getaway seems to be unsuccessful. after meeting with felicia, yenyee and katty on the twenty-seventh, i feel so hurt. though i know they don't really mean to, but. hais. ): i'm somehow left so alone in this little world of my own. alright. i'm getting more emo, i wanna cry, i wanna let things go. hopefully i can.
people has been getting really tough on me nowadays. i'm getting all stressed up and i've difficulties breathing. i feel so bad on the inside. i feel like giving up at times, cause it's really taking its toil on me. i'm like a empty shell with nothing worthy on the inside of me. i sucks big time in almost everything i do. nothing i do will ever make people proud of me. everything i do seems to disappoint people. i already feel so bad already, but can someone at least understand me? i tried my very best in all my efforts to please everyone, but it seems to a failure. goshes. i'm not trying to be self-pity or anything, but that's how i felt so far. the year it going to end in about two month's time. after all these so far, what i can conclude is that i'm definitely not adapted to working life. i seem not to fit into the picture, my thinkings are all very naiive and i'm too green. people don't seems to understand how i felt at all. i may seem so cheerful and bright, but i'm not okay. i'm getting so tired of my this ever-hectic lifestyle. so much til the extent where i still report for work during my birthday. i feel nothing at all. i'm numb already. yes. i'm going nuts soon.
and yes, i hate to be compared. eversince young, my parents have been comparing me with my cousins. i hate it, they will compare everything about you, your school results, your behaviour, your attitude, your lifestyle and blah blah blah. they will compare everything under the sun. it seems like they can only see the negative side about you, but the positive side. they will always think that you all nothing but a bother, nothing but a pain in the neck, they wish that they never gave birth to you, they hope that they can stop supporting me, and the list goes on and on. the problem is, they are not there when i need them. but yes, they did help solve problems you yourself can never solve. but what i really want from them is their love and support, how i wish they can support me of everything i did, how i wish they can be proud of me, how i wish they could shower me with more love and concern, how i wish they could be more kind towards me, i wish i wish. they don't bother to call you at all when you yourself are all alone out in another country, they don't bother about your academic progress, they don't bother to ask you questions, they don't bother about ME at all. somehow or maybe they did, or perhaps they didn't show. well, i'm pretty used to all these already. i wanna be more brave, so as to overcome all odds that are overcoming me. please, father lord, please please tell me what to do. pretty please.
sorry everyone. ):

2006-09-28T22:18:00.000+08:00

reminisce.
shucks. i somehow got reminded of the past, as in my good old times in redcross and secondary school. freaks. i'm like getting very down recently and i'm looking down on myself somehow. i'm still disappointed with myself over my o levels results. yes, i'm pretty pissed by my own actions. i just happened so to realise i shuck at everything. so much for putting in and getting nothing back. i'm depressed. alright. hais. people don't appreciate for what you have put in and did for them. people don't recognise your efforts and gestures of goodwill at all. plus, they're somehow putting my disadvantage to their own advantage. freaking good. i'm just feeling so so numb. i'm being too dumb and silly. i trust my own instinct too much i guess. if only time can return back, i would want to make the best out of it and i'm sure i won't commit stupid mistakes like what i did before again. yes, i'm very sure of that. everything just happen to shuck and, shuck totally. i'm feeling depressed and no one ever understands you at all. people walk in and out in your life but no one actually stay on to assist you. not even the closest one to you, not even your family members. i'm extremely sad and. hais. it's all over and i wanna move on, yes, i still wanna be somebody.
for your information, i'll be away for natas travel fair at the singapore expo, hall 6 & 5a from 29 sept to 01 october'2006. please come and visit me at booth j35 & h35, five stars tours.
whee. (:

2006-09-25T18:58:00.000+08:00

fed up, pissed, freaks.
alright, i'm kind of pissed right now. i'm beginning to hate this company more and more already. it's irritating me and i can't take it anymore. there's already not much benefits for staffs in the first place already, and now the management implement this stupid and unreasonable kind of rule for their staffs to follow. i mean like what the hell, we cannot take leave in certain period of the year, if we does, our bonus will be deducted as per how many days of leaves we took. i'm pissed okay. it's freaking stupid. what the hell, i don't accept such explanation okay. it seems as though the moment we join this company, we have sell and dedicate our body to them. we are lifeless like that, everyday work and work and work. work all day long, even for chinese new year as well. freak them. it's getting on my nerves. when we under-quote our customers, we ourselves have to bear the difference of the amount. i mean like we slog our guts out for the company, marking up all our sales for a better profit, facing all those demanding customers and earning peanuts, and yet we are all benefit-less. we done all these because we have the company's welfare at heart. and no one appreciate us at all. freaking people. i hate it and i wanna leave, not now, period. as soon as possible.
and oh ya, those attachment students from temasek poly starts working in my office now. lols. and one of them are from the superband competition. hahas. (:
i'm still pissed, but what to do. we still gotta hang on there for the sake of money. i promise myself to complete my diploma by the end of mid 2008 and get the hell off from this company. yeahs. i will and i mean it.
it's monday and i think i'm having monday blues. i don't have much appetite for my meals, and my stomach is on war. plus i'm agitated. it makes my day a total turn-off.

2006-09-24T11:54:00.000+08:00

this stereotype life i'm leading.
alright, gone are the days when fairytales happened to be extinct and where all fantasies starts to drift away from you just like a dream-never-come-true. my life is just a mixture of pure work and a little bit of leisure over late-nights out and late-night sleeping. with no extra spices to top it off, it has all along been bland and monotonous. i'm like those typical workaholics who dedicate their life to their company, no. i don't want the same thing to happen on me. i want more quality time to spend with my family and friends. the irony part of me is that when i'm not part of the crowd, i'd feel left out and neglected. and when i'm already in the crowd, i'd feel not like it and want to be out of it. it tends to be a little funny and i know i'm silly. but, that's me. what to do, i've no choice but to let the surroundings taking control over me.
hold and behold, another six more days to the big day, hollah. at least mom called me up to ask if i'm working on my birthday or not, 'cause she wanna cook me those hard boiled eggs plus mee sua for my birthday. yeahs. thanks to my colleagues, i've gotten my first earliest birthday gift, they got me a bag, but it's not exactly kind of they-choose-for-me kind of thing, i chose it myself and they paid for it. whee. and yeahs. another gathering with my seven-in-one clique this coming wednesday. i'm looking forward to it and i'm excited. oleh. (:
oh yes, on my way to work just now in the taxi, we passed by bendemeer. it somehow triggered my memories and the first thing that came off in my mind was school. i miss bendemeer dearly. that's the place where all my fondest and not so fondest memories were created at. i miss all the scoldings from those teachers, i miss the not-so-nice but i-like-it food from the school canteen, i miss those after school mini-getaway,i miss all the morning and afternoon assembly, i miss getting detention for not completing assignments, i miss teasing and giving names to the teachers behind their back, i miss all those red cross trainings, i miss my fellow peers, i miss the entire school. i still remember vividly how green i am on my first day there during my secondary one year, where i slowly transform from a introvert to a extrovert.
i saw some of my red cross headquarters seniors at marina square yesterday night while going for a midnight movie with my colleagues. they somehow reminds me of the days where i was so enthu into red cross in school, to the extreme that i sacrifice my studies for it. i somehow regretted for my action and i do not want the same to happen to me again. it maybe just because of my own fault for not managing my time well, aww. it's all history already, i cannot do anything to salvage it but only to reminisce and quickly get over it. and yeahs, i still miss my red cross pals.
and yeahs. i promise myself to finish my diploma by the mid of 2008 latest. i'm gonna start saving up from my education sake, and whatever it is. i wanna move on and i wanna be somebody. yes, i can because i think i can. i don't wanna be stuck at this level, i wanna move on and i wanna earn big bucks. whee. please raise both your hands and feet up to support me.
oleh. i'm getting ready for my cruise. hoho. as we sailing along... (:

2006-09-22T18:00:00.000+08:00

excited, anxious, tra-lah-lah.
whee. i'm shagged. just another eight more days to the big day. oleh. getting more and more excited and anxious, but not so looking forward to it. and yeah, i'm off on the coming wednesday and there's another gathering. whee. pray hard all seven of us will turn up cause' it's been so long since we all met up, not exactly long. but it's been a month plus already. i miss them loads. yep. oh yeahs, felicia's online blogstore is ready finally. as in at last it got more stocks already. (: peeps, please help to spread the message around. oleh. and whee. another sixteen more days to my cruise. yays.
the lerthagic virus is slowly conquering and taking over me. i'm feeling darn weak and lerthagic lately. life is getting even more bland than before. everything is like moving in a very slow pace, and i'm getting tired of it. i have lesser and lesser time to spend with my family, i spend more time at work instead. i'm feeling somehow guilty, afraid and lost. i miss my old self, my old lifestyle and personality. i miss the past, though i know that there's no point dwelling in the past, but i can't. i long for the old weiyoung. i want to be free. i hate myself now, i don't want to move on and move forward. i wanna go back to the past. if only things don't happen that fast, then things won't be the same like now. ):
oh, did i every mention that i hate to be neglected? yep, so what the hell are you people right now? i feel kind of hurt totally. we used to be at loggerheads, and used to be very good friends. perhaps i'm just thinking too much. but i'm extremely not happy right now. i hate to be treated like this. though you have your own life, but. i'm very disappointed. no words can express my feelings. i just felt betrayed, feel so left out. i seems like an outcast. please, don't shoo me away. i hate to be treated like that. yes, i really hate it. i feel so cheated right now. i've put in so much effort and i receive nothing. i'm like a fool awaiting for things you know will never be returned to you. i'm so helpless at this moment. ):

2006-09-18T20:26:00.000+08:00

online blogstore.
oleh, felicia's online blogstore is up finally. please help to spread the word around. visit orangeshimmers.blogspot.com for more information. yays.
anyway, another twelve more days to my birthday, and i'm still looking forward to it. plus, i'm working on my actual birthday itself. sounds pathetic eh. goshes. actually it doesn't really matters that much to me, as in all my brithdays so far since upper primary have been very disasterious already. with no one celebrating for you, i felt quite empty on the inside somehow. though i'm already used to it already, but i still yearn for someone or some celebration at least. i miss those days where mummy and daddy put up an elaborated birthday party at home, with all relatives and friends invited over for that happy occasion. i feel warmth, loved and of course, delighted. but things ain't the same like before now. :
anyway, another 20 more days to my cruise, whoo. i'm excited.
alright, my mind is blank. nothing much for me to write about now. i'm disappointed over everything and everyone.
whatever it is, i wanna move on. i wanna be someone. (:

2006-09-17T11:12:00.000+08:00

akan datangs.
okays. i'm back from my two days one night retreat @ batam island. hoho. these two days seems like a very long trip to me, lols. it seems as if we have been away from singapore for like a week or so. hahas. anyway, it's fun overall. somehow a eating paradise i can say. whee. alright. i'm excited over my cruise to penang and phuket on the 8th of october. oleh. and most of all, my birthday is coming!!! oleh oleh. whoo. hahas. somehow many happening things are happening in september. yays.
alright, i feeling kind of low recently. yeahs. i don't know why, but i'm definitetly not feeling okay. many things and thoughts keep running through my mind day and night, minutes and seconds. i keep on asking myself if i have made the right decision or not. and one thing i've learnt so far is, not to trust your own instinct. everybody do make mistakes, i did as well. but why can't people get over it and let things pass? i cannot understand seriously. i feel so lonely just like that. life is getting more and more tiring now, unlike the past where everyone and everything is like so worries-less and cheerful. i'm not as forward looking and optimistic as before now. i really hope to runaway from all. i wanna escape, i wanna be freed.
i miss all my friends, but when i meet them up, it seems like we are separated apart like people from two different worlds. we don't click as much as before now. we have nothing much to talk about now, we don't laugh and joke around as much as we did like before, we have nothing in common now, we are somehow neglected over time. though i would love to have more and more gatherings, but it's somehow not complete. i feel very empty. we are all each leading very different lifestyles now. i somehow feel ashamed of myself. i still can't get over it. i don't know how they look at me, but i feel very bad and upset on the inside.
oh yes. my face are all rotting already, and it's getting worse and worser. )):
right. i wanna go to endau rompin and taman negara soon. anyone interested? lols.

2006-09-12T19:11:00.000+08:00

fatigue.
alright, i'm back to blogging once again. whoo.
my health is taking its toil on me again, i'm having hell loads of aches all over my body, with those super dark panda eyes circling around my super fragile eyes, and those as hard as stone kind of stiff neck and shoulders. i'm super tired!!! i have enough and i demand a break as soon as possible.
anyway, apart from the cruise trip i'm going to have this coming october, i'm going to batam this friday for a two days one night retreat. yahuu. oleh. lols. yes, there's a time for me to relax finally. yays. (:
oh. to add on. i've had this 2e3 gathering last saturday, it's more or less a eating getaway kind of thing. we had barbeque at marina with like only 11 over peeps turning up. lols. perhaps the message didn't reach everyone, thus the very little people turn-out. hoho, i'm looking forward to another same of its kind gathering again. whee. i love gatherings. especially when you have all your friends around you, laughing and talking craps. i miss all those good days we had in school really. life is a total different compared to the past now, i mean me myself is different from the rest only. we [me and my friends] are all living in two separate worlds. (thou' there's only one) they are studying and i'm working. oh well, i thought i've gotten over it already but i somehow realise i'm still sulking over it. i blame myself for not doing well for my o levels. i blame myself for not listening and heed advices from my fellow teachers in secondary school. i hate myself for being so complacent and lazy. i'm angry with myself for not being motivating enough. i dislike myself for the way i am.
i regret now, but it's way too late. there's like nothing i can do now to put up with all the wrong doings i've done. i hate it, yes i really do.
and yes, shaoling once mentioned in the gathering, "why all these young people doesn't want to study? why aren't they studying?" i'm kind of hurt. yes, i'm thinking to myself, why ain't i studying? shit. i hate myself out of the sudden. i'm like, oh shit. i fall in this category. what can i do now? people keep telling me to make the best out of what you are doing now, but i can't. i'm in a dilemma once again. i'm that kind of easily affected person, plus i'm sensitive to what people comment about me. nothing can be done to salvage all those things i've done.
i wanna study, and yes i'm studying part-time right now. and oh, i've deferred all my modules to next term. don't ask me why, i've no choice seriously. there's too much factors which eventually leads to this decision. anyway, i starts to wonder if i'm really studying for the sake of studying? and am i in the correct course which i really wanted? i have my doubts.
first, i do not have a goal, i do not have any target. and i don't know what i'm doing right now as i have no plans. i'm ashamed of myself somehow. yes, both disappointed and depressed.
oh yes, i not in love already. or i should say, i'm out of love. goshes. i'm such a failure in this area. stupid me. )':
okay, i'm looking forward to many events. the batam trip, my birthday and my cruise. yays.
i think i'm going loony very soon. imagine you facing and tackling all those problematic and idiotic customers. i hate it when those kind of customers who will keep comparing prices, and tell you to give them a special rate even though it's already a promotion. there's this group of uncles and aunties who will keep calling you several times to ask the same questions without realising it's the same person who answered their calls. they're super irritating. some will even show you face when they are making a booking with you, as if we owe them something like that. i hate it. though i'm kind of in the service line as well, i do not have any mercy on them as well. i enjoy arguing with customers, over the phone of course. lols. (:
PS: i hate it when people misunderstands me.

2006-09-08T12:31:00.000+08:00

almost dead.
alright, it's updated finally. hahas, no more grumblings and nudging for me to update my blog now. lols.
whee, been so so long since i update my blog. anyway, life is still as usual for me. nothing happening happen in my life all these while. yep. it's the same. only thing is that my basic pay has increased to four digit finally. oleh. that means more money. yay yay. hohoo.
and ya, my birthday is nearing loo. oleh. time to celebrate. whee.
gonna have a 2e3 class gathering tomorrow, and i'm looking forward to it. huha.
oh oh, one major event coming up soon in october. i'm going for a three nights cruise to penang and phuket. oleh oleh. whee. i'm super excited okay.
oh well, i'm sick and tired of everything and everyone already. yep, very tired. so much so that how i wish i could stop all that is tormenting me day and night. i'm getting more and more lerthagic lately. am having the weiyoung not feeling well syndrome again. goshes. what to do. either accept it bravely or be defeated by it. goodness.
i've got nothing much to say, i'm just kind of feeling hopeless and stuffs. i'm just having too much. year 2006 is gonna leave a great deep impact on my life, the year where just too much things happened, and are taking its toil on me. what can i do?

2006-08-22T11:40:00.000+08:00

no longer the great.
whee. oleh. happy 3 months anniversary. yay. as in today's my three months working already. oleh. fast eh. a few more months to 2007. whee. i'm looking forward to 2007. whoo!
and yeahs, my birthday is coming up next. oleh oleh! one more month loo. yay. (: i'm excited okay. and yeahs, i think i'm love. whoo. shh. i think so only, anyway. hoho.
hoola. i just started my new academic term yesterday, starting on the communication skills module first. whee. and the lecturer is kind of weird, as in his physical look. lols. his hair somehow makes me feel hungry, cause it looks like maggie mee. it's like shiny plus crispy and oily to me. sound disgusting though. whee. oh ya, this module is kind of stupid. it's basically teaching all the basics of english, teaching you verbs, nouns, adjectives, pronoun, grammar and the list goes on and on. just that what he teaches is something our old school english teachers never emphasis on.
oh well, anyway. i'm supposed to do this assignment and presentation on products. lols. imagine you having to go for a examination that requires you to do MCQ questions on grammar, and do report writing, letter writing for the essay questions. it's like really going back to secondary school like that. kanasai! alright. everything is just going to be alright. whee, hopefully. (:
whee. i'm feeling more and more lethagic as each day passes by. i'm getting more and more tired, energy all drained, brain cells all dead and depleted. i need more sleep seriously.
yeah yeah. i wanna go genting again! hahas. whee. i love that environment very much, as in that's the only place i won't sweat as much as i sweat-ed in singapore. no more wet feets, no more cold and sweaty palms. hoho. though it's kind of boring over there, especially when i'm not of age yet to enter the casino. lols. b-o-r-i-n-g. yes, very boring.
._.

2006-08-12T19:22:00.000+08:00

whee.

away for genting trip until 16 august 2006.
oleh.
please miss me peeps.
hahas.

(:

2006-08-11T10:22:00.000+08:00

shagged.
whee. i have so much fun yesterday okay. finally got a chance to meet all the 7 of us. oleh. it's damn cool okay. hahas.
anyway. we met at city hall and had our dinner at billy bombers. hahas, and shaoling and me ate super lot ah. it's been so so long since we all gathered and have extreme fun. as in we really miss everything and everyone like before. yeahs.
whee. i really enjoyed myself yesterday, plus i sacrificed my study time for my economics exams okay. and i overspent. lols. hahas. anyway,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FELICIA!
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY SHUXIN!
whee.
(:
ps: pray hard that i'll pass my economics exams.

2006-08-09T14:33:00.000+08:00

whee.
oleh. marketing is finally over. hoho. whee. next is economics. hahas.
yipee. meeting the full 7-in-1 family peeps this thursday night to celebrate feeli's birthday.hoho. whee. yeahs. okay, i'm getting bored already. nothing much to blog about. life's still as usual. as bland and plain as before.
whoo. i'm going genting this sunday. oleh. been so so so long since i've been there. whee.
alright. i've got nothing much to say. yep. (:

2006-08-05T12:02:00.000+08:00

the sudden urge.
alright, i have the sudden urge to do many things. i wanna keep fit. i wanna go on a eating spree. i wanna go back to malaysia. i wanna do this and that. whee. i wonder why. hoho. i just somehow got the urge to keep myself fit, yeahs. i'm much more concerned about my health nowadays okay. hahas. whoo. especially when you see people around you all sick and yarr. i'm weak, so all the more i should keep myself fit. lols. hahas.
anyway. it's two more days to marketing exam. and i'm only half done with my revision. goshes. it's way too much for me to take it all in larr. and i'm only given one week. whee. i hope history won't repeat itself, like what happened months ago. i don't wanna see myself disppointed with my own results again. i wanna prove to everyone. i wanna prove that weiyoung can really do it. yeahs. i mean i can okay. yes, i really can. (:
oleh. i'm meeting my besties real soon. hoho. yep, seriously. we're all caught up with our own life, and we are no longer like what we are before, where we can all do whatever we like like nobody's business. lols. guess what we all need is just pure understanding and mutual support. yeahs. i miss everything and everyone.

2006-08-04T14:21:00.000+08:00

whee. oleh. whoo. pandai. muda.
okay, i didn't turn up for work yesterday again.hoho. i'm feeling super tired and weak okay. wasn't really feeling that well, my whole body aches as usual. i'm very weak, i knew it. yeahs. i'm super busy nowadays. as in i kept myself busy. whee. i'm in the process learning bahasa melayu and studying hard for marketing plus economics. hahas. marketing and economics exams are up next week. kanasai. got so much to take in, and my brain aren't functioning well. lols. it's somehow killing me, yeahs. it's gonna explode anytime. whee. saya pergi gila soon. i'm super enthu in learning malay now okay, i want to go back asap. i mean as soon as possible, in the shortest time possible. oleh. i'm going to prove to kj i can do it by next year okay. hahas. don't under estimate weiyoung's ability. lols. weiyoung sangat pandai okay. hees. (:
alright, time really passes by very fast yeahs? it's august already, just another 4 months or so before we say goodbye to 2006. oleh. i want to be eighteen. hahas. i'll first go and have a motosikal license. hahas. then i wanna change my identity card. yeahs. i'm looking forward to 30th september 2007. whee. oleh.
alright, i'm starting to worry for my school fees now. how am i going to find a thousand bucks, in about 20 days' time? lols. i've absolute no idea at all. i'm dead, pergi mati ler. as in physically dead. yep. sucks. the school is just being terlampau okay. i can't take it anymore.
alright. i should have turn up for work yesterday, cause i don't it being at home. when people are all nagging at you for minor matters plus being blamed at for things that are not your fault. it's very frustrating. i just don't feel like talking at home. whatever i speak seems to be wrong. yeahs. what i want now is to earn more money to feed that school and complete my education asap, then proceed back to malaysia. and because of this, i have to give up my dream of becoming a nurse totally. i mean completely forget about being a nurse okay. i just somehow feel that it's not appropriate to work as a nurse in malaysia. it's like not socially accepted over there, especially when it's a muslim country. lols. what to do? i've just gotta accept my fate. hoho.
whee.
oleh.
saya pandai.
yeahs.

2006-08-01T10:59:00.000+08:00

i've got no one to turn to.
okay.i have enough already.i'm really very sick and tired of this lifestyle i'm leading right now.i need immediate assistance.i just can't help but i've got to rely on kj.i'm feel so sorry.i'm ultra indebted to him.he has been really that nice enough to tolerate all my nuisances and every little thing about me.i feel very thankful already.he's really someone i can look up to and confide in.i feel somehow better after pouring everything out to him.but then, i'm sorry to take up most of his time when he got other things to do.i'm being very selfish.i mean like i put kj's disadvantages into my own advantage.i'm mean somehow.but what else can i do?i have to, you get what i mean?i need someone to rely on, someone who i can confide in, someone i trust and someone who can really understands me.he's just somehow a soulmate to me.i feel very bad and guilty.i shouldn't have occupy too much of his time, i shouldn't have done this and that.i'm very sorry kj.
i still can't get over with the fact that i'm only 17 and i'm into the society already.where i should have been like other normal teenagers out there, happily studying with no worries whatsoever.here i am,pathetically with no qualifications, worthless and penniless.what can i do?i've already accepted it bravely and try not to think about it anymore.just like what kj said, if you can't change your past, do the very best for your future.okay.i'm still trying very hard okay.i just couldn't take it.it's really too hard on me.what have i done wrong exactly to suffer all these tribulations.can someone out there kind enough to take away the shackles on my feets and set me free.i'm lost.walking in the darkness aimlessly and no one around you to support you.
i have absolute no one to depend on right now.not kj anymore.i don't have the courage to face him already.i'm being too much.where everyone else have at least their own family behind and supporting them.i have no one, none.zero, no one.i'm just all alone there, facing all odds against me on my own.kj ask me to be strong and independent.come on, what have i done to deserve this?it's so disappointing.i have only friends to hold on to, where they're the only one left whom i look out for psychological support.i just couldn't accept the fact that my friends are all straying away from me, for obvious reasons.i just hate it.it's really a lot for me to take it.i'm having a mental breakdown.i cried the whole night through yesterday, with tears on my face even when i'm asleep.i hate myself.
it's definitely not easy for me to stand up on my own just like that, especially when i'm a foreigner in singapore, when i'm only 17, when i have nothing to my name, when i've no qualifcations.i've wasted my whole lot of 15 years in singapore.only realising now that i achieve nothing.i'm useless in some way.i really wanted to go back badly.but the problem is i can't.there's just too much barriers that set me back.i can't speak the national language, i'm penniless, my parents disapprove me of moving back to malaysia.it's all too much.i don't want to be that kind of child that would leave his family behind one day.i have too much responsibility to bear.i love my family.yes, i really do.i want their support.i just can't do it without their approval this time round.since young, they always disapprove all my doings, nothing i do seems to be right in their eyes.yes, kj said it's my own life and i should live it the way i wanted it to be.exactly, i wanted to live the way i want since young.but there's plainly nothing i can do about it.nothing.i'm utterly ashamed of myself.i've been a coward all this while, i don't wanna face up to the reality.but now, i've got no other alternatives left.i wanna let it go, i wanna be trouble-free.
kj said if there's one thing i can change in my life, what would that be.i told him, i would not want to grow up here in singapore.nothing can be done to change my past now.alright, i know i'm all along living in my past, in my shadows.i can't help it, there's this person who appeared in my life out of no where to bring me out of the darkness, where i thought he could continue doing so for days to come.yes, he could have.but i let go of him instead halfway.i'm a burden to kj.i don't want others to have this negative impression on me.i want people to see me as a carefree weiyoung, with no worries, no sadness whatsoever, but just a simple happy weiyoung.i can't go on pretending anymore,kj.what can i do but to rely on you?
seriously, i'm lost.i wonder how am i going to survive in future when kj is no longer there when i need him.am i going to be the old weiyoung already, pretending to be happy everyday.putting on a big fake smile to everyone he sees.i must really learn to be independent.yes, let's pray that father lord will take away all my sufferings one day when i wake up.i'm deserving what i ought to deserve right now.
i'm like a lost sheep, a sheep that everybody hates and loathes, an abandon one.
don't you see the point, kj?how can i forgo of someone, the only one whom i can confide in and just let him slipaway?it's hard on me okay.i've been trying very hard to be more self-reliant all these while.i'm still trying.
i'm feeling hurt, there's this big big wound inside my heart.nothing can be done to salvage it now.it get worst as time passes by.i'm very sick now.i don't know what is happening to me.i'm very weak, with the whole of my body aching like nobody's business.it's so much painful.i wanna run.i wanna escape, to places where no one know me.dear father lord.please take me away.i'm very tired already.stop tormenting me please.

2006-07-31T12:55:00.000+08:00

yes, i'm still thinking about it. troubled.
okay, i'm troubled.i don't know what has happened to me.i just kind of like flustered and stuffs.it's some kind of struggle in my heart.i'm like don't know what to do.i need advices, a listener, a friend who can really understand me.yeahs.i need help.i just feel very weird and strange.it's something i've never experience or felt before.yep.weird i mean.very weird indeed.
whee.mommy got me a pair of levi's yesterday.yays.so happy okay.that's the main reason i love going out with mommy.i can normally get what i wanted from her.oleh.not always larr.i would still need to psycho her and stuffs.whoo.hahas.
anyway,i've made this clear to my family already.i told them i'd be completing my studies here first in singapore.once i've gotten all my qualifications, i'd go back to malaysia for good definitely.that's a sure thing okay.i'm really looking forward to this day.before that, i'd have to brush up my bahasa melayu first.yeahs.i just can't take it living in singapore.it's way too stressful and fast-paced to me.i don't feel fitted in singapore.i'm not suitable here.i want to go back to where i rightfully belong to.yes.that's what i really wanted.i wanna go back! yeahs.though i've living in this place for 15 whole long years, i really wish to go back there and remain there for good.i just somehow feel so.as in i just don't like it here, people don't accept me for who i am.i don't like it.yeahs.i'm definitely going back to malaysia after i completed my studies.yeahs.i've just gotta hold on there.i'll be back, soon.very soon.
alright, i'm still feeling very sickish.been feeling feverish at night.i'm still having the flu and cough.though my sexy voice ain't there already.lols.i want another mc.whee.i wanna to stay at home and rot.i just don't like to move around.i wanna sit there and grow fat.whoo.especially when my workplace is at golden mile complex, which is very far.so when i reach my workplace, i'm like energy half depleted already.hahas.i want food and more food.whee.i love food, and i love to eat.
i'm feeling ultra depressed and down.i'm having the i'm not okay syndrome again.goshes.help me please.
i love to be alone, that is physically.i just hate to feel left out.especially by people closest to you.i just don't like to feel neglected and forgotten.i want attention.not really attention.i just need companionship desperately.i want someone to relate to, someone i can really trust and talk to.i just don't wanna be left out.

2006-07-29T20:06:00.000+08:00

oleh oleh.
whee.i'm going johor bahru with mommy tomorrow.hoho.yays.i get to eat loads with mom.oleh.i just love going out with mommy.yays.
okay.my throat ain't getting any better.it's still the same.though it doesn't hurt as much as before, my voice is still sexy and attractive.hahas.
anw,i've completed my marketing and economics modules loo.whee.so happy okay.i super don't like these two modules.it's kind of bland and not interesting to me.lols.i'm looking forward to end august.hees.i want my new modules to start asap.they just sound much much more interesting.yays.gotta study for economics and marketing real hard already.am having examinations in two week's time.lols.
ohh.i'm still troubling about my new term's school fees.i just wonder how am i going to afford it.i'm getting my pay in about two week's time.but the amount is just not enough to cover the whole school fees okay.not enough i mean.
life's still the same.nothing interesting or exciting happening.it's getting more and more monotonous.it's still the work, school, eat, sleep, shit that kind of thing.i'm a slave for money.o'm super tied up with work and everything.my only free time is after work, which is often after ten pm.sound pathetic eh.hoho.what to do.sien larr.
ohh.i'm still deciding about what to do next year.as in to go back into nursing, or remain in mass comm.i love both seriously.i just couldn't make up my mind.nursing @ ite's school fees is much much more affordable than to take up mass comm. @ mdis.problem is i love both these two courses.i wanna be into these two industry.how nice if they're able to incorporate nursing and mass comm. together.hoho.how i wish.
i just don't know why.i'm getting rather cheerful than before nowadays.yep.i'm kind of weird.

2006-07-28T11:33:00.000+08:00

i'm voiceless, mute i mean.
okay.i'm super sick now.been sick all the way since last sunday, with fever plus flu plus cough and throat infection.lols.i'm mute.can't talk as loud as before, all because of the throat infection.thus making my voice very very sexy.hoho.anyway, i just hate to be sick larr.as in i hate it when you're like so weak.then have to be stucked like paralysed on the bed already.i just hate being sick.
all because of this virus-attack on my super weak cum fragile body, i've been missing work for three days.lols.and i'm only on mc on one day only.the other two days are considered as leave.so i have to like cover these two days up with my off days.so peeps.weiyoung won't be free on this coming two weeks de weekends.hoho.the worst is, i'm still sick.not recovered yet and i still have to report for work.how pathetic i am.plus, i'm mute at the moment.
whee.i went batam yesterday with eric.lols.it was like an impromtu decision.we went johor bahru to settle some business and had our breakfast cum lunch there.then proceed back to singapore and took ferry from harbourfront to batam.lols.and we ended up staying there overnight.so yeahs.i'm back from batam to singapore early this morning.hoho.i'm so excited.whee.
batam is nice okay.everything is damn cheap okay.i mean real cheap.plus their money comes in denonations of thousands.so it's like we're all millionaires like that.damn cool ah.
i'm kind of in a dilemma again.i actually wanted to go back to nursing next year.budden i'm kind of reluctant to do so.i'm into mass comm. right now.i don't wanna waste my money studying for mass comm. now, and give it up next year.it's kind of stupid isn't it?
oh ya.that sucky school starts to push us for next term's payment already.it's such a lump sum.totalling up to a thousand plus.freak it.the school thought we students are all living in the bank.mdis is just some kind of money-sucker.lols.
anyway.i'm gonna have my last economics class tonight.after which, i'll have one week break and then it's my examinations already.oleh.new term starting only on late august.whoo.

2006-07-25T11:34:00.000+08:00

goshes.
alright.weiyoung's not feeling well today.lols.
i'm like having some throat infection plus flu, probably due to my late-night sleeping and too much chocolate-munchings.i'm feeling terrible.i just hate to be sick, it makes me so weak and helpless.plus,it makes me mute somehow.i'm beginning to loathe talking, cause it really hurts when you speaks.so yeahs.conclusion is, don't talk to me verbally.lols.all i need now is water, tissues and more tissues.
oleh.pirates of the carribean is nice okay.hahas.went to bishan to watch it with mommy last sunday.yipee.supposed to be me treating mommy one, budden i'm kind of broke already.especially so when it's the end of the month.lols.anw,i love going out with mommy.lols.
whee`just one more class left for marketing and economics.oleh.hahas.finally finishing these two yucky modules.yays.please clap your hands and cheer for me.whoo`examinations are drawing nearer as well.just two more weeks to go.hoho.one more month to the start of the new term.i'm like waiting for it to come.i love those three modules.i'm super-high larr.weiyoung going bonga soon.
well, i'm no longer feeling emotional already.i'm slowly regaining the usual self.oleh.just that i miss my past too much at times.i yearns for everything.i want to go back to school where all my friends are.i just happen not to enjoy school at mdis.it's like so mismatched for me over there.the age gap between me and classmates over there are huge.though there's no communication breakdown or whatsoever, but i just feel that something's not right.i don't like it studying there seriously.argh.
goshes.my stomach is going on strike again.i need FOOD.hees.
okay.it's the starting of the seventh chinese lunar month.gotta go home early loo.hahas.not that i'm being too superstitious or what.i'm just being cautious.lols. (:

2006-07-20T19:00:00.000+08:00

part time or full time?
alright.i'm still stucked at golden mile complex.shittish hr manager.she was like saying that my sales not that good as compared to the others.i mean like it's true,budden i'm still a newcomer.i've got so many thing on hand to learn and execute.like i'm those robots who are multi-tasked.freak her.she sucks,so do the company.
i'm going to prove to that idiotic manager that i can do it definitely.i'm going to get hold of all the walk-in customers plus telephone calls,making them buying tour packages from me.i'm gonna be super enthu. from now onwards in my job.i hate it when i'm being compared to the others.
oh yeahs.i'm not going to work full time anymore.it just somehow enlightens me that part timers earn more than full timers.i'm going to give up my work permit and go apply for the student pass.i'm going to work part time and study full time soon.yes, soon i mean.going to ica one day to enquiry about it.
oleh.i got back my marketing class test results.as expected.i flunked it.whee`i've got 26 out of 60.lols.okay, i mean like i didn't study for it all all larr.what to do.at least i did pass my economics.lols.i'm satisfied already.hahas.
alright.mummy asking me to go sentosa with her and aunt on 31 august.lols.oleh.
yipee.
whoo`
yays.
(:

2006-07-18T16:18:00.000+08:00

missing-in-action.
whee`okay.nothing to blog about this few days.lols.everything just seems to happen fast and yeahs.too fast for me to catch even a glimpse of it.yep.
i'm already at golden mile complex already.no longer at compass point anymore.lols.i can only be transferred back to compass point in september.shittish.
alright.i've got to find another one thousand dollars by august.shuck it.gotta pay my next term's school fees before august.sucks larr.in such a short notice,how am i going to find this big lump sum?freaking school.
yup.i miss my friends,my precious darlings.lols.when are we all gonna meet up again?whee`
alright.everyone is falling sick nowadays.
lols.i'm bullshitting.not in the mood to blog.goshes.

2006-07-16T11:08:00.000+08:00

i truly enjoyed myself today.
yep.i've enjoyed myself truly today.whee`
okay.i met up with the 7-in-1 clique today.hurray.it's like so much fun spending the day with them.love them all.oleh.
i managed to get two new shirts for like thirty five dollars?lols.kind of expensive but i'm kind of desperate for new clothings, so yeahs.hahas.
met everyone today, but not yenyee.she hurt her ankle so she couldn't make it to the gathering.lols.it was really loads of fun meeting them up.i was kind of excited and super high.we went shopping and dine at the xin wang hongkong restaurant at cineleisure.cool larr.i really enjoy so much with them.whee`i'm looking forward to another meeting.hoo.
yays.i've got another ear-hole already.lols.finally.whee`
to add on,i've pass my economics class test.hurray.i got 35 out of 50.hahas.yeahs.
okay.i'm not going to people's park complex already.i'm going back to golden mile.so sucky ah.transfer here and there.if not for the sake of my school fees,i wouldn't stay on.it just sucks totally.yucks.

2006-07-14T11:24:00.000+08:00

i LOVE saturdays.whee`
alright.i just love saturdays.lols.
it's my off day.whee`love it so much man.whoo`
meeting up with my besties tomorrow.i'm thrilled.been ages since i last met all six of them.cool huh.love them all.oleh.gonna go shop and eat all day long.lols.
alright.marketing class test are ~~OVER.~~hooray.it sucks larr.the lecturer set questions that aren't in the syllabus.sian eh.the worst is my pen ran of out of ink halfway through the test.have to use pencil instead.lols.
anyway.economics class test is up next.hope it's easier than marketing.hoho.
whee`i'm looking forward to saturdays.hees. (:
mmm.went lau pat sat yesterday night after class with eric.ordered quite some food and we managed to chew all up.lols.and thanks to him and his lappy.my phone got those wav format de songs loo.yays.so happy.my phone can sing song now.hees.

2006-07-13T11:41:00.000+08:00

it's all getting worse.
goodness gracious me.i'm not feeling alright.i feel so lethargic out of a sudden.i'm very tired.imagine you working everyday,with only six hours of sleep daily.who's that strong enough to take it?
anyway.i'm not looking forward to work at all.i'm going to chinatown, people's park complex branch next monday.which means i gotta wake up even earlier to make my way to the mrt.the mrt is like miles away from my house.i hate it, being treated like a ball.kicking me around.i'm going to be transferred back to compass point in septmeber.how nice isn't it.goshes.i'm going for a job-hunting soon.i hate this job and the company.
alright.gonna meet up with the 7-in-1 clique this saturday.i'm elated.whee`been such a long time since all seven of us met up.`i'm thrilled.gonna eat and eat and eat the whole day through.oleh.love them all.
oh yeahs.i've cut my hair already.i cut it myself, as usual.hahas.it doesn't turn out that nice as expected.gonna go to a hair salon for a decent hair cut this couple of days.lols.
alright.having marketing class today, i'm gonna ~~flunked~~ it definitely.it's so much to take in.marketing makes me feel sleepy.it's kind of a lullaby.when you can't sleep,read the marketing books.you'll sure fall asleep within five minutes definitely.weiyoung tried that before.it's a guaranteed thing.100 percent success.lols.
i'm late for work today, again as usual.half an hour late.didn't realise that my other colleague who got the keys, were on mc.so i'm the only one left with the keys.and i'm late.lols.thus they were all waiting for me to open the shop.hahas.
i'm falling ill.having a bad flu and headache everyday.my nossie is getting very sensitive nowadays.i can't take it when there's a little dust.it itches badly.
okay,let's go back to the emotional weiyoung.i still can't get rid of the 'i'm not feeling okay' syndrome.it's getting worse.i really wanna be myself.i wanna earn big bucks.i don't wanna get despised.i don't wanna suffer under ~~discrimination.~~i wanna be trouble-free.please don't see me as a useless person.give me a chance.i will excel one day.tha's confirmed.it's a definite yes definitely.i want company.i want my friends.i want everyone.

2006-07-12T14:38:00.000+08:00

i'm just disappointed.that's all.
alright.i wanna escape reality.i wanna leave this place and go to a far-away land.i want to lead a solidary life,where no one can intrude my life.i'm a loner and a freak.i'm just disappointed with myself suddenly.i hate myself.
there's just no one standing by me by my side.i'm thoroughly stressed up.i just can't imagine me leading this lifestyle right now,right here at this age.where all my friends are happily out there enjoying themselves.i just couldn't accept this cruel and harsh fact,it just left a super deep impact on me.i'm hurt immensely.
i feel pain.
what the hell is going on in this world.why is everyone so much concerned about money.i mean like what's the point?okay.money is everything, that's to a certain extent.i mean like freak it.i'm earning little already.slogging my guts out just for this little eight hundred dollars.everyone starts asking me for money when they knew that i've got my pay.it sucks.seriously.okay.i borrowed one k from my uncle two months ago for the purpose of paying my school fees.i was still jobless that time.i mean like they're earning big bucks and what's this one k to them?it's not as if i will run away or what.i will return it back them definitely.they just keep on calling and insist you pay up immediately-on the day i got my pay.people are all getting too practical nowadays.this is reality.i have to face it.i'm now left with only like one hundred bucks after paying back some of the debts.
i mean like even my own parents ask for money from me,when i'm already living on bread for this few weeks already.i'm struggling.can you people give me a break?
i'm so stressed up.i don't know what to do.i'm having marketing test tomorrow and economic test on friday.problem is i've got no time to study for it.i hate it.i don't want history to repeat itself like last year.i wanna progress on.i wanna move on.i wanna improve.that's all i want.
am i being too much?
i've lose hope already.my morale is low.
any kind souls advise me on what to do?i'm going crazy soon.nothing seems to go smoothly for me.i wanna cry.cry-out-loud.
i'm in a dilemma.i'm going to be transferred out of the sengkang branch.they want me to go back to either golden mile or people's park.it sucks larr.they treat me like a ball,transferring me as and when they like.what a stupid company.shittish them.i hate it.
it's confirmed.i'm going to be transferred out of compass point next week.where should i go then?people's park or golden mile?hais.i'm disappointed with the company larr.sian.

2006-07-11T11:08:00.000+08:00

friends are the most vital and a must-have thing in life.
friends are the most important thing you ever need in life.they are extremely vital and a must-have thing in life.without them,life cannot progress,life will be much more bland and meaningless already.they are just like the basic human needs.namely food,water and shelter.friends are there for you in times of needs.friends are concern about your well-beings.friends are the one who supports you physically and mentally.they are just basically everything to you in life.life just cannot go on without them,at least in my case.
i just spend much more time outside than at home.meaning to say you have more time to spare with, with your friends more than your own family.they are the one who stand by you always.i mean like friends somehow understand you more than family does.they're somehow easier to communicate with.don't you think so?
right now.i've just realised how important friends are to me.
i feel very disappointed with myself yesterday.i'm so sorry for being too insensitive and not understanding enough.i'm only afraid of losing my friends.i just hate that feeling of having to part with my friends.i mean like,for my case,i can't lose them.i'm already neglected at home.i don't want it to be the same for my friends too.i hate the feeling of being neglected.i just need attention.i may sound demanding or what,but that's just me.i have to fill up the emptiness inside me.i don't wanna feel so cold and lonely.i need the warmth from my friends.
i miss all my friends.they means so much to me.i love them all.i really treasure all the friendships i share with my friends.really.
i miss the good old days in red cross,where we always go out after training.wasting our time out there in the neighbourhood.i miss weiyoung wearing school uniform,mingling and joking around in school.i miss everyone and everything.time have catches up with me.i have no extra time for them and neither do they have time for me as well.it's so much difficult to arrange for a meeting away from our ever-busy schedule.i just felt neglected,both from my family and friends.it's way too much for me to take it.i'm not gonna hide feelings inside me already.i don't wanna be the on-the-outside cheerful and no-worries weiyoung.people just don't seems to understand me.i'm really going to have a nervous-breakdown soon.i mean ~~soon.~~
i hate the lifestyle i have right now.can you imagine me, at this age, have to support myself already?my parents are no longer going to provide for my education.i have to work to earn a living.can you understand?i have no other alternatives.this is it.i have to go this path.i brought this upon myself.i've got what i deserved.i'm having enough already.i'm very tired.i wanna rest.i need a break.that's final.i can't take it anymore.
okay.stop calling me young.as in i'm weiyoung.but don't treat me as a young boy.i'm a grown up already.
i've decided.i wanna go back to nursing next year.i wanna cling on to my dream.i don't wanna be look down at by my family.i'm gonna complete my mass comm. first.at least i have a back up plan.if my nursing career doesn't excel,at least i can go back to the media/advert. industry.i've decided.that's it.please raise two of your hands up and support me.thank you.lols.

2006-07-10T10:40:00.000+08:00

cry to your heart's content.crying-out-louds.
"yeahs.cry out loud.you'll be fine after that."
goshes.i cried last night.yeps.i seriously did, and i felt much more better afterwards.well,i just need to let-go.there's just so much inside me.i need a breather.i wanna slow things down.just let it go, weiyoung.
alright.i managed to pour everything out to eric.not really everything.i just told him about how i'm feeling,my everything.lols.i've felt so much relieved.it's not like i can do this to anyone.i mean like alright,he's a malaysian and so do i.we click better i should say.or rather we have a common topic to talk about.someone i can really relate to well.sorry to my 7-in-1 clique.
anyway.i just throw whatever and everything to him.i felt much better.it's painful to hide everything inside me.anyway.he's quite a ~~spoilsport~~ also larr.he was like rushing to go home liddat.lols.spoil the whole thing.hahas.
okay.i miss my friends.i miss everyone.when can we meet up again?lols.
yipee.i'm getting my pay today.whee`today eh.hahas.i'm gonna go for my buffet dinner soon.oleh.yeahs!
oh.there's marketing class today.sian larr.having both economics and marketing class tests this week.goshes.so much to memorise and reading-up.anyway.i hate this school larr.somehow i just felt something is not right studying there.
eric told me to hang on to my goals and persevere.alright.i'm in a deep shit now.how to?lols.like i myself wanna give up on purpose like that.i mean nursing has always been my passion larr.i've already tell myself i'm not the cut for it since the beginning of this year.what's the point of wanting to go back to what i want to be in the past?it's all over and gone.i know i shoudn't give up easily.but the problem is that my morale is low.i've no confidence.and i'm stucked at mass comm now.so what's all the fuss about?i'm just nothing.a worthless person.i've nothing to be regret about.i've got what i deserved.
i should have just let it go.let it go and let it go.

2006-07-08T10:22:00.000+08:00

blink.blink.
okay.was supposed to meet up with yingying at night for movies one.budden she got her own gathering.so meeting was ~~cancelled.~~lols.anyway.i got up rather early today,even though it's my OFF day today.hahas.went to people's park to sell the stupid LG phone away.hahas.then took eric's lappy back home with me.
i ended up meeting lyon and wenxin in the afternoon.lols.we went all the way to wisma from dhoby ghaut.only to find out that the nokia shop were no longer there.then proceed to wheelock's de nokia shop.but it's only a servicing shop.not selling any phones there.so sucks larr.the hello shop also not there already.wanna buy one ngage also very difficult.sucks eh.in the end we went over to lucky plaza and managed to get it there.oleh.whee`
finally gotten back my QD.whoo`alright.sian.
i wanna get a hair-cut soon.lols.i mean SOON!my hair is getting longer,and longer and longer.and it's STILL growing longer.okay.
weiyoung is rotting soon.nothing do eh.business is really bad larr.very very bad.so so so boring at work eh.sian.sian.and more sian.
yipee.i love my ngage qd.it's nice okay.though it's a ~~little~~ bit bulky larr.it's nice seriously.whee`i love it.hohoho.i'm getting bored.sian.i wanna sleep.deprived of sleep this few days.been sleeping so little.wake up early and sleep late.so yeahs.
anyway,tomorrow got marketing class again.shucks eh.i mean like marketing is nice.budden it's way too boring.especially the lecturer.you'll have a god-damn laugh when you look at him.he's kind of weird.he's bald in the front.then he got long hairs at the back.super ironic.anyway.he's those kind of teacher that's like super-biase kind.that's how i feel about him.lols.
okay.my stomach is calling out for help now.ciaos.cheerios.

2006-07-07T15:10:00.000+08:00

ahuu.
okay.i'm finally getting a new hair cut loo.whee`my hair is getting longer and longer.yep.i wanna keep it short.oleh.going johor with eric later on.hahas.whee.
okay.i'm bored.sian eh.lols.
oh yeahs.i'm going out with yingying tomorrow.oleh.hahas.been such a long time since we last met up.not that long actually.lols.just a ~~couple~~ of weeks only.yep.gotta ask lyon also.anyone wanna tag along?hahas. (:

2006-07-06T12:14:00.000+08:00

NOT feeling alright, again.
alright.here it goes.i'm getting more and more sensitive to whatever people say about me.i'm becoming more eccentric.yep.very weird personality i would say.i'm back to the ~~OLD~~ WEIYOUNG again.the weiyoung who would suddenly become very quiet and shuts everything to himself.living in a 'only-weiyoung' world.i'm getting rather more moody nowadays.i don't know why.i'm just not feeling alright definitely.
i'm getting tired already.i need a break immediately.everything seems to be crashing down on me.nothing goes smoothly for me.i'm feeling very lerthagic already.is there anyone out there, cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe.i'm suffocating.help me PLEASE.
i'm feeling very disappointed with myself lately,again.lols.WTH is with weiyoung again?i feel so indebted to everyone.i feel so stupid and foolish.i feel ~~very~~ bad about myself.just why didn't i study hard?why didn't i make it to the polys.why WHY why?why can't i be what normal people are?why is it that unfortunate things keep happening to me?i just got to blame myself for it right now.i feel sorry for myself.weiyoung sucks.yes, he sucks totally.
i'm beginning to have a very negative mindset nowadays.i'm a pessimist.i don't see any hopes in weiyoung.it seems as though there's ~~no longer~~ any future for him.he's going downhill.down down and away.gone.
i need and want a BREAK.

2006-07-05T15:38:00.000+08:00

whoo`
okay.i'm bored eh.nothing better to do.whee`
economics and marketing class tests are up next.shucks.economics is making me blur.all those funny and weird calculations are ~~confusing me already.~~lols.anw.i'm looking forward to next term's modules.hahas.got advertising & promotional management, communication skills and media studies next term.whee.it sound more interesting than economics and marketing.hahas.
ole.eric is back finally.lols.but he didn't get me the ~~fake~~ lv wallet i want eh.hahas.oh yeahs.he also didn't get me the many clothings i wanted.lols.sian eh.wasted trip larr, eric.hahas.nvm.i'll go bangkok myself in september.not just myself larr.with mommy.whee.but i doubt she will want to go anw.she prefer hongkong more actually.lols.but then.genting is my first stop.hahas.been so long since i've ever been there.last trip to genting was like - 5 years ago?whoo.
i misse all my friends eh.especially the 7-in-1 family.yipee.i miss those frequent outings we had years ago.i miss all the laughter and jokes we made.i miss those fond memories.i miss everyone,everything.yes,i seriously do.
oh yeahs.got a ~~new manager~~ coming to my branch ah.hais.sian.lols.no more playing of computer, no more playing of msn, no more loud mode of the handphones, no more chit-chatting.lols.think she's more kind of stern and strict i guess.oh well.i may as well transfer back to golden mile.lols.

2006-07-03T12:47:00.000+08:00

to be (a let-down) or not to be?
i just felt so much disappointed with myself out of a sudden.it seems as though i'm such a failure and everything that has to do with failing.i didn't perform well in things that i'm supposed to excel in.what's wrong with weiyoung exactly?why is that whatever weiyoung does,no one is please with him?i mean like i need moral support, encouragement and things like that.i wanted it so badly.perhaps just a little pat on my shoulder will do.i need a moral booster to keep me going.i'm so stressed up already.though i know that what i'm under is nothing compared to those studying now.i felt so let-down after what my parents have spend on me to ensure that i have a proper and better education.it's such a big investment that they've ever invested.and that this investment won't succeed and improve. (period,at least)-hopefully.
okay.i'm starting to have the ''i'm not feeling okay'' syndrome again.i mean like i enjoyed going to work more than going home now. (other than my bed) it's just that kind of : going home,bathe,sleep,eat,get-up and leave that kind of thing.i don't really feel anymore so-called family warmth or love at home now.i'm of no significance to my family.what's happening?i don't feel loved at all.howi wish they could have at least spend more time talking and paying more attention to me.at least.okay.i do love my family still.i love them.but i seriously don't feel loved.i feel gratified and thankful enough being raised up by them.but i want more.i need love.i want love,more attention and more love.
i can still remember mom finding excuses to excuse herself to go to my school to collect my report book.or none of them are bothered to turn-up for the parent's briefing session for my korea exchange programme.i mean like.they don't even bother to send me off or pick me up at the airport.i feel so cold on the inside of me.especially when my fellow peers' extended family coming in to the airport.that's the kind of family i'm longing for.or perhaps i should say that i'm different from the rest.
i'm borned a foreigner,and that's the way it is.i'm brought up in such a way that i'm forced to accept whatever that comes my way.whether i like it or not.i have absolute nowhere to turn to.i'm lost somehow in the sense.why can't i be just a simple weiyoung,living happily in a place he ought to be in,enjoying what he should be enjoy in his age?okay people.i still love my family.yes,i seriously do.
just another month plus to national day.cool huh.i just love this day.the 9th of august.i mean like it's a very special day for me,espcially so since 2003.whee`it's been almost three (3) years already.and because of my stupidity, (that was the past,of course) we went separated ways.okay.i still can't forget the good old days we had together.lols.i'm pretty sure she wouldn't read this post anyway.so alright.four (4) more days to pay-day.whee`

''you're the way, the truth and the life.i walked by faith and not by sight for you...''

2006-07-02T16:57:00.000+08:00

whee`
i'm getting my pay soon.VERY soon.wiipee.hurray.
i want to get my N-GAGE qd back again.hohoho.i love n-gage.hahas.it's super nice.gosh.i love it loads.though its functions aren't that good,but i just love the way it is.being bulky and heavy.whee.lols.
oh yeah.eric is coming back from bangkok soon.huhaa.i want my clothings,pants,accessories and the fake lv wallet.lols.
anyway.i'm feeling okay already.thanks to feeli, yingying,eric and joanne.hohoho.thanks so much.i'm more forward-looking now.
hmm.i'm feeling very refreshed right now.i've been sleeping the whole day thru' yesterday,since mommy is playing mahjong with my aunties throughout the day.hahas.i'm definitely feeling better and more cheered up now.
but!wait a minute.i still miss home.i miss the old kampong style of living.i miss my grandmother.i miss the pratas and nasi there.i miss the old yamaha motorbikes.i miss the people who spoke in the ~~very~~ heavy malaysian slang.i miss everything and everyone there.
okay.i've been planning this.i wanna go to bangkok with mommy on my coming birthday in september.since her birthday is just like three days after mine.lols.i'm gonna save up and treat her for a holiday.whoo`
marketing and economics class test are up next.whosh.marketing is nice larr.but economics is really confusing me.with all those calculations and stuffs.i'm getting a little bit blurred.gosh.
okay.gotta-go.i wanna go pang sai now.bye bye and ~~hello toilet bowl.~~

2006-07-01T23:52:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling a little bit better, period.
okay.i'm back to the usual weiyoung now.just for now only.
oh ya.happy youth day everyone.

2006-06-30T10:37:00.000+08:00

i'm not feeling okay.
i'm definitely not feeling okay.not as in sick or not that kind of thing.i miss home,or rather i miss malaysia.i just somewhat feels that i don't belong to this too-fast-paced lifestyle here in singapore.i want a slow and relaxing lifestyle.perhaps i should go back there and be the little kampong boy i've been longing to be.i miss everyone and everything there.
of course.i'm in a dilemma.it's obvious that i don't fit into their lifestyle there as well.as in i don't speak their language and culture.but the problem is i seriously, desperately wanted to be fitted in that picture.will someone please help me?i'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
i'm like a half singaporean now already.all thanks to my parents.they're the one who brought me to singapore,and forced me to accept everything and everyone here.initially,i thought it was a brilliant idea.but as time passes by, i realise that i need a identity.i need to pledge loyalty to somewhere.and that's where i begin to yearn for a living over there,a place where i deserved and ought to be.
my very-clever plan was supposedly to succeed in the beginning of this year.where i daringly proposed to my family that i want to go back to KL for my studies. (or i shouldn't say the word, back) i was hoping and praying very hard that they will support me and would allow me to do what i want.but i was wrong.of course,plans are bound to fail and succeed.but i never ever thought that mine would be a total disaster.i broke down immediately.they threw back harsh remarks to me.commenting that i'm such a fool and idiot to forgo the so-called better living place in singapore.and i was like WTH.they don't understand how much discriminations and critisizes i've been getting all these years.i have enough.seriously.enough.i want to put a stop to this.
it was that female form teacher who started to torment me in my upper primary years ago.i can still remember i was down with appendics then.upon my recuperation and back to school,she use my absence to her own advantage,claiming that i never do her homeworks and blah blah blah.i was not given recess breaks,i was forced to stand under the sun,forced to stand on the chairs.worst of all,to tolerate hurtful comments from my fellow peers.it was the darkest times in my life so far.there was once she hitted me with a book on my operated wound.i was in pain.i did mentioned this to my mother.but after confronting with that teacher.my mother decided that i was lying and thus,disbelieving me.i was hurt.it seems as though there are thousands of knives piercing their way through my heart.
that was just one part of it.i thought that things would get better when i progress to secondary school.things ain't that bad initially.everything was going perfectly normal and fine for me until this person came into the picture.he's so much anti-foreigners.that's how i felt about him.whatever i do doesn't seems to please him.i would at least feel better if he just ignore my presence.but he was like so sucks.he said that i ain't what i'm supposed to be.he commented on my leadership.he said that i wasn't disciplined enough.i mean like okay.that's fine with me.i admit that no doubt,i'm not that perfect also.but the main problem is that he questions my abilities.i was there happily enjoying my days in redcross.and yet he commented that on what grounds did ak chose me for chairman?damned.why should he bother so much?why did he only picks on me?am i really a sore in his eyes?i want to get out of here,fast.
i just don't belong here.there's nothing for me to hold on to.i don't see the point of me having to be stucked here.i don't see the need for me to carry on earning a living here.i don't want to put on a fake smile home everyday.there's no one who understands how i feel.i just want to be myself.i don't have to put on a mask everytime i reaches home.i wanna let go.i don't blame my parents,of course.
i'm sick and tired of everything here.i wanna escape.i wanna go to somewhere i should belong to.
i wanna leave this place.please.someone please help me.i'm desperate.help me please.i wanna go away.anyway will do.far far away.please.